Pandora's Aquarium: A leg up or a inability to accept help? - Pandora's Aquarium

So I am about two years out of a divorce. I was married for over 13 years and I have worked hard on owning my faults in it. (I am not a woman who believes any relationship is all one person's fault) Even if just sticking around is the fault there is blame on both sides. Anyway, this week has been hard emotionally. I had a doctor's appointment that involved that much loathed invasive exam all women go through. (on another note I think the female reproductive system is way more high maintenance than our male counterparts) My boyfriend, who is a sweet and loving man, went with me for support. He observed my melt down in the doctor's office, let me cry when I got home, even cooked me dinner. He was perfect. But now it feels like I have given him a leg up in the relationship like somehow his help was a tactic to gain leverage. Leverage for what I have no clue. He has given me no motive for this it is just how I feel.

Clearly I have insecurity and trust issues. He was just being a good boyfriend. Anyway I know this is kind of off topic but I think my trust in general humanity was greatly affected by the R and the bad marriage. I always thought that I had time to get my "crap" together emotionally but at 35 shouldn't I be there by now? Take gentle care all.