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I wanted to cancel christmas dinner, i woke up on christmas morning feeling okay, the usual dreading of keeping a smile on my face but thats normal.
How that turned into my partner and i in floods of tears, me leaving the flat and only answering his calls to say no, i wasn't coming back. I'm not entirely sure.
Family came over, i took myself of to my room or the kitchen to have a bi of cry a few times and to try and pull myself together.
I have wanted to leave my own body, the body memories fill up my skin, its too uncomfortable. I don't want to think!
I have wanted to literally tell someone everything. The hell that some days are. So maybe she wouldn't have said 'i have a life and can work, you don't and i'll never understand that'
I have wanted to reach out to someone i've never even met. We text, i can't get back to her right now.
How stupid !