Pandora's Aquarium: venting - Pandora's Aquarium

So many emotions right now that I can't talk to anyone about. I know there are no black and white answers to anything, no hand book either. Another huge fight with my boyfriend...This time I really have no clue what to do or how to feel. He got so upset with me because I feel guilty my abuser is homeless now, I didn't really choose to have that reaction I just started crying because more than feeling guilty I didn't really know how to feel. He started yelling at me and stood over me telling me he couldn't deal with it. Then he started going on about how even though I was curious and came on to my abuser he should have been the adult and stopped it. Just...wow...I'm so mad at myself and now I feel mad at everyone else too. Guess I'm going to try to keep myself as busy as possible because I don't really understand my emotions or his emotions. I feel like I'm causing all of my problems, I shouldn't have looked into the status of my abuser I should have just left it alone
I can't talk to my family about this because they still speak to my abuser I can't talk to my boyfriend about it because, well, he reacts as if it's all about him and I can't risk telling friends because it's ruined friendships before...I hate this. It feels like I'm walking around with this huge dark circle around me. I try to shake it off but it just keeps coming up.