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It's been a while since I stopped going to therapy. After talking to my old therapist one last time I decided I need to speak to someone with more experience, I don't think the woman appointed to me was a good fit. I'm not upset about it anymore, in fact I've been searching for a therapist who specializes in sex abuse/mood disorders. This time I don't think it would be a good idea to have an intern as a therapist. Until then I've been trying to meditate through bad times (mood swings) and focus on positive things in my life! I learned how to play the guitar and it's been so therapeutic. I've wanted to learn since I was 15. This is a huge for me! Music has been a good friend. My self esteem has really taken a hit all these years and it feels like I never accomplish my goals, even the small ones. It's such a good feeling to finally learn and truly enjoy doing something. I've written two songs so far. When I can't explain in details how I feel it's as if I can sound it out instead and put what words I CAN think of to the melody. I know playing guitar and meditating won't fix everything, I'm not in denial of my still occurring moods and flaws. But lately I feel a little more...whole. I'm trying to be ok with myself even if it's for a few minutes at a time. I don't think I'll ever feel "cured" or "fixed" or anything like that but this has given me hope that I can cope by myself. :D/>
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