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What is happening to my Mand's? (TW swearing)

Posted by Mand , 09 March 2014 · 169 views

I am pleased that I managed to not SH. When DD triggered me, and Manderoo was ready to be punished, Maternal Mand stepped. She comforted and reassured Manderoo. And after several hours, I felt 'safe'. But now.....now I am feeling angry. And I don't 'do' anger. Not really. Because anger=pain and violence and not being safe. So I look to my inner land scape. And all I can see, all I can FUCKING see is The Bad Parent. And their face is red and angry and pushed up against the glass that is in the window of my mind. I can access no other, and the fear is coursing through me as I write this and my heart is racing and I am FUCKING terrified.
I can't believe how frightened I feel, I can't believe the anger I feel. Because The Bad Parent has been thwarted.
I will run and hide. I will be quiet. I will make myself small. I'm sorry daddy, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I did not mean to be bad, please don't hurt me, I'm sorry.

Mar 09 2014 06:26 PM
(((Mand))) sitting with you...waiting 'til you're ready to walk again...
Thanks A. You helped a lot. The Bad Parent has gone for now.
Mar 09 2014 10:27 PM

Mand, I'm glad Bad Parent is gone for now. Keep breathing, slowly in, slowly out. Work your coping strategies. The fear today is not the violence of yesterday. I know it's hard to hold onto that idea.


Sitting with you as you work through this.

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