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Posted by missophelia , 05 May 2013 · 72 views

So, I've been quiet, not sharing too much about what has been going on with me. I'm battling the need to push people away, to try and keep them at a distance. I want to isolate so badly. This last week, however, I think I've done more talking about what's going on with me than I have in a long time.

This past week has been hell for me. In addition to talking, I have used SI'ing to cope. I'm having urges to SI now. But I am trying to stay busy. I certainly have plenty to do.

I missed my group Monday evening, because I had to leave work and go home. Long story short, my daughter A, had to get herself and my grandson out of her apartment.

She found out that her now ex boyfriend, the father of my grandson, drained her account of over $3,000 over the past 2 months.

And when she went with my ex, her girlfriend, and a cop, to get the baby, the baby was soaked head to toe in urine, and laying in a pool of pee.

There are other things that were going on with them. And the week before, her now ex boyfriend wanted to take the baby out of town for an unspecified amount of time, and a very suspicious reason.

So, she's filed custody, closed out her bankrupt bank account, spoken with the landlord, had the power turned off to the apartment.

It's been an emotionally and physically draining week for us all.

My ex has moved back in. I can't help with childcare while A works overnight, not by myself. And if the ex boyfriend or his psycho mother wants to start trouble, I don't know if I can handle that.

Tuesday morning, I found out that a guy I consider a friend, passed away. He worked for my local convenience store, and we had become close, on a social level. We would joke with each other. I even flipped him the bird by mistake once, and we joked about it for some time, but he was ok with it. He was the nicest guy.

What makes it worse is that he was one of the few men I let in to my life in any way. I trusted him, and to me that is huge.

After I found out about his passing, I just about lost it. It's been a really hard week for me.

So, we are all trying to settle into some kind of routine here. I am finding it a little overwhelming having everyone in the house. I got used to being by myself, having everything kept neat and orderly. But, at the same time, there were some not so good things about being alone.

So, that's about it. Dr K is working really hard with me, at this point, just trying to get my urges under control and trying to help me be able to stop giving in to them.

But hopefully, first I can stop feeling so overwhelmed.

May 05 2013 04:06 PM
not much better since I wrote this, the urges are pretty strong right now....
May 05 2013 04:52 PM
So much upheaval, it is an awful lot to take. Try to distract yourself as best you can from the urges maybe? :hug:
May 05 2013 04:56 PM
Thanks, Untangling. I am trying to stay distracted, which has been very hard to do while feeling this way. But I am trying. :hug:

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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