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Do writing letters work?

Posted by sighawaysundays , 02 June 2014 · 153 views

In my session with the therapist today she suggested I write a letter to my ex/abuser to give me the chance to say everything I never got the chance to and get closure. She said if I felt brave enough I could actually send it to him, if not then try burning it or something. Has anyone tried this before? I like the idea but I don't see how putting it on paper is any different from going over it in my head, and I'm too damn scared to actually send it to him in case he tries to respond and I get made to feel like it was my fault all over again.

You could put his name on it but no address and put it in that mail. It would be gone forever 

I wrote a letter here, in the forum http://pandys.org/fo...topic=60086&hl= "Write a letter to your perp" 

I found it a very liberating exercise. I found that it was different writing it down. 

I found it very cathartic. I burnt it after I read it to my T. (My main abuser is dead). I then split the ashes in 4 bags and got my T and my friend to use the bags to pick up their dog poo. I will leave you to imagine what my DH and I did with our share of the ashes. It felt good :)

Good luck if you try. Be kind to yourself. I blogged about my experience and I copied my letter here too. It was emotionally very hard to do and opened up a lot of memories. But I'm glad I did it.

:hug: if ok


Jun 02 2014 01:19 PM

It always seems to help me. I also like having a reference to go back to and see how far I've come. It helps me to recognize "Darn I was really angry at that time" or "Wow. My feelings are still there but somehow not as potent."

I wouldn't recommend sending it...but writing it out, yes, yes, yes and more yes.

Not an abuser, no, but I wrote a blog post once as a kind of "open letter" to a school staff member who bullied me/treated me like the dirt under her feet for a whole school year, and to the class at the time that seemed to not care at all. Never showed it to her, and said in the blog post that if she ever came across it, I would appreciate it if she didn't contact me, and I made an effort to not include specific details so that outsiders wouldn't know what school, class or person I was referring to -- but it helped. Both writing and publishing it, and receiving comments from people who were both shocked at the behaviour I described and a hundred percent supporting.



Whether it would help you, I think only you can know. Do you have things you wish you could tell him? Do you think it would help you "get feelings out"? 

February 2016

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