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My Sister

Posted by bellachai , 25 March 2013 · 118 views

We are not close. Sadly she is my only sibling. She is only 13 months younger than I. Both of us were accidents. I have very few memories of us being close. We were/are strangers to each other.

Perhaps we were close before I turned 5. My mother ran off with the evil stepfather and married him as soon as her divorce from my Dad was final. Something he did not want. Once with the evil stepfather we were given our own rooms. She 3 1/2 and I 4 1/2. She came to love the evil stepfather. He was good to her. It was me who received most of the Physical punishments. I hated him from the beginning. I knew who my dad was. My sister received love from both my dad and the evil stepfather. How many years I felt ughly and bad and unwanted. The evil stepfather had hated me and my mother was just distant from us. She worked days and he worked nights. He took care of us. It was this way for 5 years until I stopped speaking and crying to anyone. I was in hospitals often every year he was in our lives. We moved to Arizona.

I was glad and happy to be away from the evil step father but my sister grieved for him. So the first two summers away from him my mother allowed her to visit him. No way did I want to visit him so I have been confused why my mother would allow that knowing how he at very least affected my mental state. The evil stepfather was all control in everything he did.

A few days after she came home from a visit with him I caught her tearing up pictures and cards. I sat down by her and I saw she was crying. I was 12. I asked her what she was doing and why. She told me what he had done to her in detail. It was the first time he had ever raped her. I was no longer available for all his sick abuse so he turned on her. I thought that since he loved her and hated me that he would treat her the same as he always had. I clearly remember feeling so badly for her and thinking it had to be worse for her cuz she loved him and he betrayed her in the worst way. She never was the same after that summer. She started her drinking at 11 and began getting in trouble with her quiet sneaky behavior. As far as I know she has never told anyone since she told me at age 11.

She still self medicates with alcohol. When younger other illegal drugs that rotted her teeth out. Teenager years she tried to steal my boyfriends and was successful more times than not. I have no proof but I think she slept with my ex-husband before our children were born. She has never been able to keep girl friends and no wonder with all the back stabbing she is capable of. She has 4 sons. I don't know how my nephews have grown up without being too much affected. She has been in jail a couple of times for spousal abuse. As sad as it is I don't and never will be able to trust her.
She is an expert at stirring things up then set back quietly and watch the chaos and mayhem she started. For this very reason is why I do not have a facebook page. I told my children years ago to keep theirs private but they ignored me.

A couple of weeks ago my daughter and her boyfriend told me my sister had left a message on the boyfriends facebook page. Her message: I am so sorry my niece ever met you. Nice since she has never met him so how would she know. My sister got to his facebook page through my daughter's facebook page. I let this rude and mean thing to roll around my head for over a week.

I was so angry I finally confronted my mother with my sister's poor behavior. My daughter did not understand why her Aunt would hurt her like this and was very hurt by it. When I told my mother (who hates with a passion my daughter's boyfriend) she started to laugh but I cut her off by saying that was not funny at all.

I pointed out that no one in the family likes my oldest nephews wife yet everyone allows her in their homes out of respect for my nephew. I asked my mother since all is fair in love and war in our family then it would be okay for me to go to my nephew's wife's facebook page and write the same that I was sorry she ever met my nephew. My daughter and her boyfriend have been together for over 4 years now so it appears to me that acceptance of this is way over due.

My mother answered no I should not do that cuz none of us would ever see my nephew again. I replied "exactly". So it is okay if my family continues to state their blind hatred for someone they do not even taken the time to know and my daughter won't disappear from all our lives. I asked if that was fair to my daughter at the age of 23 cannot go to any of her families homes with her boyfriend but my oldest nephew can and the same applies for my youngest nephews girlfriend, as no one cares for her much yet she is accepted as family.

She only said quietly that my daughter's boyfriend has always been respectful to her the few times she has met him. Then she gained some speed to tell me how she hated my ex-husband, the father of my children. I said yes he certainly showed his bad side to them plenty of times yet they did not 'forbid' him in her home. I also told her she should know what that feels like cuz if I remember correctly my Grandmother for a year or so would not speak to my mother when she ran off with the evil stepfather cuz she hated his guts passionately and also when she married my dad the first time my Grandmother refused to go to their wedding. I wonder if she would have gone if she had known my mother was pregnant with me.

A day later after mother has told me numerous times before that she was so broke she called and asked me if my daughter, her only Granddaughter would come out to help her prune back some raspberry bushes and she would pay her for her work. Guilt and thinking about all I said? IDK

I do know that 5 years ago I would never have talked to her in this manner cuz I was always afraid I would displease her and become once again not good enough. I did not yell or scream or cry out of frustration. I plainly stated my anger and how unfair I thought the family was being plus that my sister even now has poor behavior for drama that will make her feel alive. I told my daughter not to lower herself to my sister's level by responding to my sister's words to her boyfriend.

Blessings to all

:hug: if ok.

I hear you.
Mar 29 2013 01:28 PM
What a mess. How tiring, frustrating and hurtful all of this must be. I am sorry for how your sister is, it is a sad thing because in the right environment she could have been a positive person.

You did well to speak up to your mother. It is not easy to stand up to parents when that is not what we are used to.

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