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the rainbow comes and disappears

Posted by EVH , in Healing Journey 15 October 2013 · 173 views

Last night I couldn't sleep. So I went for a run. 20km. Came back. Sat down. Decided to go for another 10km. But it didn't help. I should have known better. I fell asleep around 6am and was late for school. Of course. 2hrs. Forgot my towels. Had 2 cheeseburgers. Again. I'm a mess. Is it becasue of the pills? Or is it because so much is happening in my life right now? Or is it just the old fucked up eve losing control over her own shit, getting lost, confused, freaking out for some reason. What reason? Because of the rainbow? This amazing full on double rainbow all the way across the sky? Does it scare me? Or maybe because it comes and disappears? And where is the pot of gold? Is this what scares me?

Feeling really sick today. Like having the flu. Exams. Assessments. I can't do it. Fighting and failing. Feel like running away. Feel like hiding. Quitting. Yeah I'm good at that. Quitting. I'm a quitter. Always have been. Welcome to my world.

I've been experiencing flu-like symptoms that come and go. Taking a hot shower typically helps me with the achy muscles...I've read that flu-like feelings are a symptoms of anxiety. And i'm no doctor..but it sounds to me your having an anxiety attack, which would explain the insomnia. The rainbow..good things never last...I can see why seeing something that's supposed to symbolized good things would make you nervous. In my experience good things are inevitably followed by bad things.I'm a quitter too...I get overwhelmed, burnt out..feelings like "whats the point"... Anyway, all I'm saying is, I understand and can relate. You're not alone, and I'm sitting here with you. :cuppa:
I encourage you to do something nice for yourself, and please, take gentle care, :metoyou:
The only quitters in life are those who stop caring in any way. And I don't see that in you; I see frustration. Frustration isn't permanent, please know that.
**sitting with you with hope**Posted Image

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