Last night I couldn't sleep. So I went for a run. 20km. Came back. Sat down. Decided to go for another 10km. But it didn't help. I should have known better. I fell asleep around 6am and was late for school. Of course. 2hrs. Forgot my towels. Had 2 cheeseburgers. Again. I'm a mess. Is it becasue of the pills? Or is it because so much is happening in my life right now? Or is it just the old fucked up eve losing control over her own shit, getting lost, confused, freaking out for some reason. What reason? Because of the rainbow? This amazing full on double rainbow all the way across the sky? Does it scare me? Or maybe because it comes and disappears? And where is the pot of gold? Is this what scares me?
Feeling really sick today. Like having the flu. Exams. Assessments. I can't do it. Fighting and failing. Feel like running away. Feel like hiding. Quitting. Yeah I'm good at that. Quitting. I'm a quitter. Always have been. Welcome to my world.