Pandora's Aquarium: From: Letters to my Rapists - Pandora's Aquarium

Letters to my Rapist is a series of poems I wrote to the men who hurt me.



Letters to my Rapists

#1
So broken, so alone
That’s what you’ve done to me
I was just a little girl
Only five or six
I didn’t know or understand
Why I was in so much pain
I grew up wondering what was wrong with me
Why did I hurt so bad
Why was I so broken
I was a child
I had no clue why you put me through
The pain you put me through
I’m so broken now
And I don’t know what to do
What gave you the right to think it was ok to hurt me
What gave you the right to take away what I once held dear
Do you know what you have done to me
I’m broken and angry
And full of mistrust
And its all because of you and your misguided lust
I was child
A little girl
Didn’t that mean anything to you
I guess not
Now I’m broken and alone
And hope as you burn in hell one day
You remember the face of that tiny little girl
Whose innocence you took away

#2
I got lost one day
I was only sixteen
I lied when I told you my age
I didn’t know you or what you would do to me
I never wanted to go with you
It was so cold and rainy and dark
I was scared and alone
And you used that to take advantage of me
I should have run but my feet were so numb
It was so warm inside that car of yours
You told me that everything would be alright
And even as you touched me
I still remember your words
Whispering to me
Saying its ok
And even when it started to hurt
You whispered those same words
It’s ok
But it’s wasn’t ok
It wasn’t ok when you pulled me in your car
It wasn’t ok when undid my pants
Even as I cried for you to stop
It wasn’t ok when your wife drove up
And called me a slut
I didn’t even understand
I didn’t want to do that with you
I was a kid
A lost kid who just wanted to go home
You took advantage of that
Of that sweet kid
That naïve kid
Who believed in the kindness of strangers
I hate you for taking away that kid
She was so broken already
And you broke her even more
Now she lives with the anger of what you did to her
Look at her
See the child whose life you destroyed
See the scars you left on her tiny body
Invisible to the world
But she sees them clear as day
You are a monster
That’s all you will ever be
And as you rot in jail
And become the toilet
For some burly inmate
I hope that as he forces himself
Inside your tiny hole
That you think back to that night
and as you scream in bloody agony
you remember that
its all because of what you did to me

#3
I didn’t call it rape
What you did to me
I called it the incident
The situation
That day
The mistake
The assault
The crime
But never rape
I couldn’t call it rape
Not that word
Any other would do
But not that one
I didn’t call you my rapists
I called you my ex friend
My acquaintance
Sergeant
Boyfriend
Ex-lover
And so many more
The experience
That sounds goods
Each time one of you hurt me
It was an experience
Being held down on the bed of a truck
Being locked in a bathroom
Being dragged across a bed
An experience
That’s what it was
But today I call it by it true name
Rape
You raped me
The little girl
The teenager
The young woman
Whatever you called me
It should have never been
Your victim
What did I do to deserve that
What is wrong with me
Do I have the words rape me
Scrawled across my forehead
Rape
That’s what it was
And rapists
That’s who you are
But a victim
That’s not who I am
I am a survivor
Overcomer
Fighter
Victor
But not a victim
Not your victim
Not anyone’s victim
Not anymore
Because I am stronger than you
I am wiser than you
And I am better than you
Rape
That’s what happened to me
But I will never, ever let it determine who
I turn out to be

Source: Letters to my Rapists