After I got hurt the first time, my sexual sense of worth did decrease. But after I was raped in graduate school, who I was completely broke. I let people use me. It was more difficult to say no. While there was never full intercourse, it felt dirty all the same. I should have said no to them. I should have walked away, but I just lied there and let them do what they wanted to do. I'm sure they think so little of me for that.
I don't want to think of their names or their faces, but I feel so ashamed. I feel disgusting. I feel like I don't deserve the man I have now. I told him I was a virgin which was true, because I never consented to intercourse. Never, not once. But, my goodness, sometimes it is difficult to feel like one.
He knows about the rape, the assault, and has handled it so wonderfully, but if I told him about all the other stuff, what would he think of me? Would it taint who I am to him.
How do I find peace from this?