Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
Another reason I wanted to start blogging is in case anything happens. I guess it is fair to say that lately I have been having lots of SU thoughts. Having an educational background in mental health and addictions and a current social work degree student I know first hand that this is not something to take lightly. That is one side of my mind-the smaller side as of late. The other side of my mind is saying...well we won't get into specifics, but it is currently winning. **Just wanting to assure anyone reading this right now- that I AM NOT going to....**
I know all the warning signs, what to look for, what to ask; plan, means, timeframe. It's frustrating...I feel as though I am fighting an internal war against myself. The healthy sane part of me is saying "you're loved. this is just a rough patch. think of how it will affect them. it will get better". It is so hard to listen to it though, maybe not so much listen as to believe. I don't believe because I don't see/feel cared about, that I am a good person, beautiful, funny...all the lies people tell me.
I've really been scaring myself. Tonight I decided to de-activate my facebook account-as it would be the first step I would take to not existing. This way people will not miss me as much-if at all. On the other hand a part of me wanted to see how long it would take someone to notice...it's been 4 hours and no one has yet said anything. Is that wrong? That I am somewhat upset over no one noticing? In todays society facebook has become an obsession-perhaps even an addiction to some-with so many people playing games, creeping, reading, there are countless things to do on it. Is it wrong that my feelings are hurt over no one noticing that I am gone? It makes me feel as though my point/belief has been proven...no one will notice nor care if and when I am not here anymore.
I've also found myself kind of I guess putting my affairs in order? I've written my notes, encouraged my bf to seek counselling because I want to know that he is and will be okay...and I guess now this....so that if for some reason I am no longer around he will be able to come here and know why. *A, if you're read this ever, just know that I always loved you....always have, always will <3*
I promise to be safe tonight. I have an appointment with my school counsellor in the morning-perhaps I will bring up these feelings with her if I am brave enough. Good night. xxoo