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no room for improvement

Posted by whodatninja , 28 April 2014 · 102 views

i'm reading others' blogs and see they're doing a lot better and it seems like i'm just stuck in the mud. maybe i should just blame myself for being stuck, since i keep paying for family's bullshit and have the audacity to whine about it. i was going to run away, but it won't change anything. i still hate living and don't like being around other people. there is no magic formula for being happy. there is no such thing as happiness. no matter how hard i try, people don't like me because i'm too weird or something. i never fit in no matter what city i'm in. it seems like i'm always pissing someone off. even if i move to a new city and try to find some cheap place to live (that never really exists) i'm still stuck doing the same shit i'm doing, holed up in my room writing stupid books stupid people won't read. i try to go to the club and i get made fun of the way i dance and if i hit up the bar, it's always some sleezy asshole jerk that wants my number and want to talk to me thinking i'm so desperate for booty i'm willing to catch whatever disease he's carrying. i keep telling the terapist this is why i hate life. he keeps telling me it will pass and it'll be another day and it'll be nice tomorrow. he's full of shit. everyone is.


If you feel like you feel, then that's the way you feel right now.

I know that's a bit rubbish, but I'm trying to say that there's a reason you feel the way you do and that reason is to do with what other people have done/are doing to you.

It won't 'magically improve' but I believe it will not feel like this forever. You will find your way forward and whatever that is it will be right for you.

Thinking of you. Stay safe. Your life (and birthday) is to be celebrated, even though it may not feel like that right now.

I wish I could say something that could make you feel better, but I know I can't, so all I can say right now is that I'm reading, that I care that you're hurting and I believe in you.
Apr 28 2014 12:36 PM

I get stuck too.  Sometimes I go backwards for a while.  It's a long journey.  Nobody here will shame you for the length of it.



I hear you. Being stuck and not seeing any way to make any step forward can be suffocating. You are worth the effort to keep trying. You are important. There is a special place in this world for you even if you cannot see or feel that right now. I agree with susanna, you feel the way you feel right now for a reason. Even if that reason is not obvious. Often times for me it takes looking back before I can see why a particular dark and dreary time was there. Please be gentle with yourself. I truly wish there was something I could do to help.

Apr 29 2014 03:16 AM

it doesn't feel like i'm worth very much at all.

If you're reading this...

... then you know I don't put in trigger.gif labels. Welcome inside my head. You've been warned.

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