urges to SI
inability to create
the way I feel, and think, and believe, about myself
Obviously a list of things I need to work on.
I haven't been on medications in just about a year. Dr K and I talked about that at my last session. She has been, and is, very concerned about me. Just a quick catch up.
I have been very depressed, and mixed in with that, I have had some absolutely horrid panic/anxiety attacks, over the past almost 4 weeks. I don't know if it was just the holidays? It's all still there, so I'm not sure about how much the holidays have contributed to how I've been feeling.
I spent a few nights on the hotline chatline. That's how bad it's been. Because I NEVER call or connect online with the hotline. But the waves of anxiety sweeping over me with sudden overwhelmingness, that prompted me to call.
I have also come close to SI'ing, and also to buying a quantity of pills.
Anyway, Dr K thinks meds may be a way for me to work on combating the depression and anxiety. Although I am hesitant to start taking meds again, I told Dr K I would at least sit down with a psychiatrist and talk about it.
The other things on my list are things I will have to just chip away at. Even if it's as slowly as I can manage. But I can at least try.
There is a quote I'd like to include here.
"I can see no failure in trying. The only failure I see is in not trying at all."
So, yeah, I can at least try.
BTW, those words of wisdom were penned by....missophelia