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Will I ever stop grieving?

Posted by MS7355 , 20 October 2012 · 38 views

I spent 7 years of my life not acknowledging what happened to me. I blamed it on other things and relationships and when I finally came to terms that I was grieving my SA a year ago I feel as if I am never going to stop. I believe that there is so much that ties into all of this but sometimes for no reason I will feel this overwhelming emotional pain with no idea what triggered it. I want to cry a lot, im exhausted most of the time and I hate it when people need me to take care of them. I barely have the energy to take care of myself and since I have been in therapy for almost 3 years now I wish I knew when this would start to feel better. I am an impatient person also so at times I just get tired of working so hard to feel like a normal person again. Will I ever not feel alarm if someone is walking behind me or not feel short of breath and panicky in a social setting? I want to know what it feels like to be on the other side of this so that I can feel like all of this is worth it. I have moments of wanting to give up and just start behaving the way that I used to but I know I cant do that. I got angry today thinking about getting old and having to take care of the people that I love when they reach an age of no longer being able to take care of themselves. Will I ever feel like that situation is not a burden? I just want people to leave me alone. All of a sudden people in my life are a burden and I get angry when I feel like I need to take care of them. I feel guilty for feeling this way.

July 2016

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