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The mask is slipping

Posted by Clemsta , 16 November 2013 · 269 views

The mask use to be so easy to keep in place, a fake smile and twinkling eyes,
only one knew the reality, but then he turned out to be nothing more than evil in disguise.
Lured me in with his soft brown eyes, his boyish grin and gentle demeanor.
I could talk to him about my self harm and about anything i wanted, without judgement, but all the while with a hidden agenda.
He groomed me till I only lived and breathed for him.
I had a darkness around me, but i kept my mask in place. 
even when it all came out and he was penalized and i never saw him again.
Just was left to deal with what he did to me, mentally, physically.
That was hard enough.
out of the shadows of my mind... suffocating memories of my abuse when i was 6... and the same person abusing my brother.
Hurting us when we were mere children, toddlers. tiny little innocent children.
no wonder all i want to do is protect all children from harm, no wonder when i hear anything about abuse i want to string the abusers up and watch them suffer.
These disgusting people, they have no idea the pain they cause, physically and mentally. making us suffer for years and years.
making us question everything! and doubt ourselves, i mean did we bring it on ourselves??
of course not, but they still make us doubt and internalize and self blame and self hate.
No wonder some of us turn to drugs or alcohol or even self harm for some rest bite.
My mask has slipped now and my moods are flip flopping even worse than before.
trying to not go back to that dark place where i tried to end it all.
struggling to keep my head together
my mask has slipped and i cant seem to put it back properly!

I am sorry for your pain.  I related to what you wrote and I feel the same way you do.
Take good care of you.

its not so fun is it

no it isn't but you are not alone here :)

thanks xx

July 2016

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