Light and the end of the tunnel
I would like to begin by saying that it has been approximately a year since I last posted and I have found peace with my past.
It has been 2.5 years since my ex (M) has sexually assaulted me. He took everything away from me, my dignity, my pride, my safety, and my fight. It felt as almost I was an empty body. I was empty. Shortly after M and I broke up, I started in with the party life of sex and alcohol and occasionally drugs (i.e.: weed, I was always so scared of "harder" drugs). I was unhealthy. For months on end I would drink, smoke, hook up and do it all over again the next night, but harder. I began to look like a skeleton I lost so much weight. I of course wanted to die on the inside, but something made me hold on. The consequences of my binge partying, got me pregnant, and I ended up having an abortion. Once I had hit rock bottom I sought for help. I found the local sexual assault counselling service, and started my long road of recovering and healing there.
The year after M assaulted me, I found someone (B). I met B approximately 9 months after my assault. I confided in him with what happened to me. We started dating and I am ecstatic to say that I have found the love of my life. He has supported me in every step of my healing. He has been by my side through out the panic attacks, the nightmares and the mood swings. I am happy to report that since B and I have been together I have gained 20 lbs, but I look healthy now. I no longer am sick. I have made a 180 turn. Even my grades in University have sky rocketed!
That once empty hole that M had ripped out, has been patched up. I "re-found" myself. I say patched up, because, the wounds M left will never disappear, but they are just scars, and scars do not kill.
I guess my reasoning for posting this is to give you hope in a time where it feels like there is nothing left to live for or you feel like you are worthless. I am here to let you know that as someone who honestly felt as though life had come to a complete stop, it doesn't. There is something at the end of the tunnel that will make you realize how beautiful of a person you are and how you are on this earth for a reason and you are strong because you made it through something so difficult.
I am not trying to gloat about my happiness, but to inspire those who need a little faith and a little hope.