I told him today...
We hadn't ever talked about it before, as Aaron is simply my best friend. For almost two years now I've been in love with this man, and I never told him he reason for the PTSD,or the reason I feel so depressed sometimes. My roller coaster leaves no survivors in its wake. I cycle through men and friends because when we come around the loop, I plunge down.
I told Aaron late last night, through text, why I was so upset. Why I wondered the reason for my life. Today he took me to breakfast. We've have sex before, casually of course because we are just friends. But now, I wonder what I'm doing, I wonder if I am going to irrevocably change our relationship because he knows my dirty little secret. He won't touch me know, I guess he's disgusted. Why would he want me? I'm damaged.
But still, I worry. I worry if he's going to change around me, or if he will ever love me know like I love him. I guess I just needed to pour this all out. I pray that it will stop.