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I'm sitting here, still shaking. I barely slept last night. When I awoke, there wasn't even that blissful moment between waking and sleeping where I didn't remember. I remembered the moment I was violently jerked awake. And while the details were still vague and blurry in that early morning, I remembered this: I was assaulted, again.
He was just a friend, a nice guy who seemed a little strange to me. He would always vent to me about his problems and i would pretend to care. I knew he'd been in some bad relationships in the past, but never thought anything of it. He was just a friend, that's what I said.
And then last night happened. Last night, when he told me he liked me. Of course, I was flattered, but obviously i'm not at a place in my life where i can enter a relationship of any kind. He started pushing. He said I could get some "sexual experience" (He didn't know about my rape in the past, or that this was highly offensive to me.) He said he had already had fantasies about the two of us. And when I said no rather firmly, he insisted. He told me to send him a picture of me, naked. When I refused again he got angry. And when he got angry...
I'm still in shock. How did this happen to me again? How did I not see this coming? How did I not take all those signs, the red flags i should have picked up on?
I got home last night after calling my friend and reporting this guy, and I immediatly took off the clothes i had been wearing. if i could have taken off my skin i would have done that too. those clothes are still in a pile in front of the washing machine. And now, after a night of restless sleep, i'm still shaking.
How did this happen to me again?