Shit under the fingernails
Went for a run ignoring this fucking back pain, my knees and arm. I went for a run to find a place where no one can see me. Where no one can hear me. A place where I can just be. Thank God for Australian bushes. Found a nice tree and started hitting it. Over and over, screaming and crying, feeling lost and angry at myself. Who am I? What is wrong with me? I hate this. I hate my past, hate the flashbacks, hate having gaps in my memory, hate school, hate not being able to be a normal girl, talking, sharing, hate hurting the ones I love over and over again. I'm about to explode. I don't know how to stop this.
What I know is this. If you're sitting in a hole, stop digging. Or you'll end up with shit under your fingernails.