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I remember coming home from school, I had brought back food and clothes and my grading sheet. I was so excited and thought nicola would be so happy. I burst through the front door. The house was ransacked. The first thing I thought is that my step father had been around. We had escaped his abuse. I was scared that he had hurt Nics.
It was then I realised that the cd player was skipping and repeating. Over and over. Taunting. +44's song that says 'this isn't just goodbye, this is I can't stand you'. For some reason, it filled me with such sense of uneasiness. I could hear the bath running. I remember shouting for Nics and seeing the water seeping through the door. I still led myself to believe that she had fallen asleep in there.
This where I am going to stop. I aren't ready to see it in words. Words are incapable of describing the moment and emotions. I miss her with all my heart.
A happy memory that trickles back, is being on the beach with my sister and brother. We had a camp fire and our dad (my stepfather) was on a fishing trip. We lay down, silence but wishing, dreaming on the stars.