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Letter to my Uncle

Posted by tamjohn70 , 27 September 2013 · 66 views

My T wanted me to write a few letters to people who have hurt me. To get me to express my feelings and anger. I am not much of a talker about this stuff. Honestly who really wants to hear this. Nobody really does, they just want me to "get over it and move one". I despise that statement, it is insulting and dismissive. This has been a long tiring week. Each time I try, I stop. The emotions become too much for me to handle. Today I pushed through, cried and wish I was not alone. So many thoughts and memories that keep coming up. Feel like it is taking everyhing to keep from hurting myself. I have to deal with them. Sharing my letter.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Uncle Jimmy

I am writing this for me not you. What am I supposed to say to you? You already know what you did. What I am feeling now is pass anger. You go around doing your thing with no thought process of the damage you did to me. I am the one that is broken, torn down and used up. My feelings and body meant nothing to you. I have the flashbacks; need to want to forget, walking around in secrecy with shame and constant hate and disappointment with myself. Thank you. I am your niece; you were supposed to love and take care of me instead you hurt and abused me.

Everything you took from me before I even knew what they were. You took my innocence, trust, voice, dignity and normalcy. I hate the day I started to remember what took place. I pray that something happens to me so I will forget or maybe that it was all a lie or I made it up. I know the truth it happened and I am not a liar. I will never forget the basement, closets, bedroom, or bathroom. I will never forget being in the small room in the basement with the dirty mattresses. What you did to me and had me do. Then after you open the door and go out and play pool like nothing happened. The sick twisted things you would to do me in public to control me. How you would smile and be very happy with your achievement. When I think of what I could have been or done if it were not for what you did. I hate living in fear, I hate not trusting people, and I hate being this person. All because of you and what you did.

Still today I can feel your breath, feel you touching me, I can still see the evil in your eyes. I lie in bed and sometimes can feel the weight of you on top of my child’s body whispering in my ear. I was unable to move, run or say anything. I hate you so much. There is no love or family bond besides blood. That is the sickest part; we are family, not strangers or the neighborhood guy up the street. You are my family, in the end DNA keeps us tied together. I hate you, I hate what you did, and I hate the way you make me feel as an adult still. What is even sicker is you still have some type of power or control over me.

Sincerely
Your tired, abnormal, broken worthless scared niece



July 2014

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