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I wish....sometimes....

03 February 2013
Posted by missophelia 
It is very frustrating, and I hate it.

The fact that, at times, I wish I felt like I was healing.

Pair that with the fact that, at times, I don't care. At times, I don't want to heal.

I don't know if it's simply my depression talking. Or my anxiety.

But it's just so frustrating, because I can get to the point where I want to work hard at my healing. And then, it's like I suddenly just turn totally the other way, and I don't want to do anything to help myself heal.

And then I get angry. Mostly at myself.

And that just doesn't help.

And then I get more depressed. More anxious.

And then I want to SI. Or I feel like I could care less if I was even alive.

I don't know if any of that makes any sense to anyone. Can anyone relate?

It's like this horrid rollercoaster ride. And I wish I could get off.

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4 Comments On This Entry

I can definitely relate! For me, every step I took forward created an increased level of anxiety that was unbearable. Feeling vulnerable after so many years of protecting myself almost killed me. Hold onto anything you can hon. You will get through this! You are healing with every passing day whether you "feel" it or not.

Much Love! :hug:/> :hug:/> :hug:/>
Susan, 03 February 2013 - 04:54 PM
Susan

Thank you for your continued encouragement and support. It feels good, and I know I need it right now.

I will hold onto whatever I can.

Lots of love! :hug:/> :hug:/> :hug:/>
missophelia, 03 February 2013 - 05:04 PM
yes i can relate too. makes sense to me. susan's reply does too.

but i swing between wanting to recover and have a life, and wanting to hurt myself or quit, all the time...

sending ((((hugs)))). :blanket: :cuppa: :metoyou:
pink, 03 February 2013 - 05:50 PM
pink

I'm sorry you can relate.

It's what I've been struggling with now, for quite some time. Just swinging back and forth, like you said. And I'm sorry it's like that for you.

sending ((((hugs)))) to you too. :hug:/> :metoyou:/> :cuppa: :holdhands:
missophelia, 03 February 2013 - 05:58 PM
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