It went really good except for I'm so socially akward. I think I'm pretty good about not looking as uncomfortable as I really am, or at least I try not to let it show, but it is still so uncomfortable. I hate not knowing like I know this sounds dumb but like not knowing when I should talk to people and when I shouldnt. Like I dont want to get on people's nerves, and most of the time I dont feel like talking any ways, but I dont want people to think that I'm rude.
I still havent heard back from the detective yet, but luckily now thhat I am working I hardly had any time to think about it today. I feel like some times my anxiety is so outta control, that nothing that any one says sticks with me, and then I immediately forget it as soon as they talk.
Like seriously my bosses boss asked me today what made me want to do this job and I was like well I've been outta work for three months like this is nothing like anything I've ever done. Well he was like oh so you just needed a job then, and I was like yea pretty much. Like I dont know why I said that but I just thought if this guys trying to give me a hard time then I might as well be upfront about it, he's a head boss I'm sure he could call bullshit if I sent it his way. Oh well I cant turn back the clock though. Just because they know it's not my dream job, doesn't mean that my work is gonna reflect that.
Well the boss person, took me on a tour today and it's like this huuuge wearhouse type thing. So the whole time I'm thinking, he's gonna take me into some isolated place and something bad is gonna happen. Well because there was all these fences like section off parts, and there were some places where there is no people, it was pretty scary. So the whole time he is talking about all of this really important stuff I'm just nodding and saying ok and my head is like he's about to do something he's about to do something' ok the next section we go to he's probably gonna do some thing. I felt really bad for thinking that way, because he, just like everyone else there, is suppppper nice, but I couldnt stop. It's so distracting. Or like I dont know I just get so worried about irrelevant stuff that the important stuff just goes right over my head. So when he asked me about all the stuff he just told me, I had no idea what the answers were.
I know this is such a selfish train of thought but it's a really hard habit to break.
I just hope I'm able to focus better tommorrow. I'm sure as hell gonna try to and I guess there's no point in worrying because beside's that it's pretty much outta my control.
I just have to keep praying for confidence, selflessness, and listening skills and maybe I'll be more productive tommorrow!!
On a different note, I'm missin kenny so bad I've been dreamin about him. They arent bad dreams their actually nice. I dont mind them because then I get to see him again, even if it's only in my sleep.
Which I should be sleeping right now, maybe I'll dream about him again tonight. I just hope the dreams stay nice and dont turn into bad memories.