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Nowhere to go, nowhere to turn......

Posted by angelsun , 01 December 2013 · 247 views

I have nowhere to go, nowhere to turn.  I've been fighting this most of the day. I want to feel normal again, I want all these memories to disappear.  My intrusive thoughts and feelings have taken over again.  Every time I turn around something slaps me in the face.  I sit here with family around me and yet they have no idea what is going thru my head.  I was to run, somewhere, anywhere to get away from this.  How am I ever going to move past this, how am I ever going to feel happy again and not have these worries and fear.  It is not fair, it is not easy and it doesn't just go away.  I wasn't deserving of this pain.  I feel like I am in my own little world, horrible world, where there is constant battles going on around me.  My mind is warped with these images and I struggle to put them away.  I can't make sense of it.  How does one continue living like this.  Maybe it is just me, maybe it is me making it more difficult on myself.  But I can't control it, I can't get away from it and I can't heal it.  I don't know how, I don't know when and I don't know where to go.  
 
All this turmoil going on inside and yet not a soul around me has any idea.  I don't want them to know but I also wish I had someone to go to, someone to let it out to, someone I could feel safe and not ashamed to tell them.  Who really cares anyway.  This is my issue, my problem and they don't need to be bothered by me.  But I also don't know how long I can carry on with this.  It is too heavy on me. I am not who I used to be.  I don't know where I went, I don't know if I'll ever be back.  I feel pathetic.



I'm so sorry that you are suffering; alone while surrounded by family.  I can't do much, but I can sit with you and listen.  PM me absolutely ANY time that you need someone to hear and understand you.  

Thanks TL, I appreciate it.  I come here when I am having a rough time and I have nowhere to go and no one to talk to.  Not really expecting anyone to respond, just for me to get it out, and It does seems to help some.  I need the release. It has been a long few months for me and still struggle to find someone to help me thru this.  I am in the midst of finding a new t so hopefully it will get better for me.  I have no outlet and sometimes it really tears me up inside.  

 

I appreciate you reading and reaching out when you have so much on your plate.  You are having a difficult time yourself, please take care of you.  My struggles coincide with the issues I am having with my son as well, it doesn't help me cope any better.  Makes it much more overwhelming.  

 

I'll get thru, I will manage.  It is a rough journey but one that needs to be taken.  Thanks for thinking of me.

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belovedmercy
Dec 04 2013 03:38 PM

i feel your suffering. i desire someone that can understand my pain, all the thoughts, all the images, all the struggles to just keep breathing. but no one can. the people in my life right now have never been hurt in the ways I've been hurt. people only want to say "it's gotta get worse before it gets betters" or they try to talk me out of going to therapy. they don't understand the absolute darkness that is constantly unfolding in my mind. and no one wants to heal the way i want to heal. they all just want to ignore their pasts and "move on".

 

at least here i can talk openly and freely and no one will give me mumbo jumbo responses. the responses here are true and honest and i appreciate them. i don't know...maybe one day the movies will stop playing but i doubt it. i just hope they stop knocking the wind out of me (and you too).

belovedmercy, I understand your pain and I am here anytime you need someone to listen.  It is hell going thru this journey and worse when you don't have others IRL to listen.  I've been a mess trying to sort some of this out on my own-I can't.  I just recently (last night) went to see a new t and am very hopeful to find help thru this one.  I will take it slow but just having someone I can talk to is undeniably comforting at this time.

 

I wish you well and pm if you ever feel the need.  I am here, I will listen and I understand.  Take good care.

October 2014

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