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It was only a few days ago that my SA actually occurred. I've had inappropriate things said before and a drunken uncle's fondling in the past but nothing like that could ever have prepared me for what happened. I'm not going into details. It's all on the board.
I told my dad some of it. But I made it out to be less than it was. I know that was stupid. But I can't help it. I feel dirty and ashamed. I -know- it wasn't my fault, but that doesn't make it any easier. I still feel ashamed and dirty. I want to tell people. But...I can't. It might sound weird, but...something is stopping me.
I've lost interest in everything, my job, my course, everything. I'm NOT dropping out. I'm going to struggle on. I'm finished the course in four weeks. If I drop out now, I'll regret it forever. This is a temporary hitch. I have to get over it. I can't let him win. I just worry that it's gonna affect my ability to do the assignments or concentrate enough. I don't want a bad grade.
Also, I'm not agrophobic, but the thought of going out to college, or into town just terrifies me.I just want to be at home, alone. I don't want to have to deal with people. I'll have to though. Sooner or later.
I told my dad some of it. But I made it out to be less than it was. I know that was stupid. But I can't help it. I feel dirty and ashamed. I -know- it wasn't my fault, but that doesn't make it any easier. I still feel ashamed and dirty. I want to tell people. But...I can't. It might sound weird, but...something is stopping me.
I've lost interest in everything, my job, my course, everything. I'm NOT dropping out. I'm going to struggle on. I'm finished the course in four weeks. If I drop out now, I'll regret it forever. This is a temporary hitch. I have to get over it. I can't let him win. I just worry that it's gonna affect my ability to do the assignments or concentrate enough. I don't want a bad grade.
Also, I'm not agrophobic, but the thought of going out to college, or into town just terrifies me.I just want to be at home, alone. I don't want to have to deal with people. I'll have to though. Sooner or later.
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Teena on Jul 06 2011 10:37 AM
Dear Granddad (TW for language and content. This is more of a vent. Don't like? Don't read it)
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You sound like me just over a year ago. I had the same thoughts and feelings of wanting to tell but couldn't and not wanting to finish anything...
I was in school and had a really hard time going back after the break. My SA occured over the Christmas holidays and then affected my assignments and relationships. I had to ask for extensions on a few assignments and I had to ask for an alternative assignment in one of my classes because I couldn't do the presentation part. I made use of my school counselling services. I went from January to April and found this really helped me through the semester because my counsellor was the only one I would talk to about everything.
Hang in there, it does get easier, and though it's tough now you will be so proud of yourself later for making it through this.