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He seems so... normal

Posted by Juditha , 01 April 2013 · 103 views

So, he is here right now and he seems so absolutely normal. As if nothing ever happened. It makes me question myself. Did it happen? Or did I make it up? Am I overreacting? But it was sexual abuse, right?

I hate it. I know the truth. But when he acts like nothing could ever have happened in the world. I doubt myself over a cazillion times... How is it possible that people who do these things can be so normal and kind? Or does that mean that nothing happened in the end and that what happened was just supposed to be nice??

This is so difficult. And the self-doubt is devastatingly normal.

He put his needs first despite the negative effect on you. I have grasped this idea more easily when someone has admitted it to me. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew it would hurt you. I put my needs first. I didn't stop myself.

When you have that sort of admission it is easier to let go of the terrible lie: he's a nice guy, therefore he didn't do anything/didn't mean to do anything/I'm overreacting.

I'm really sorry.
I've been there...I had several times when I was still in contact with him, where I was yelling at him and he denied everything. I tend to still get worked up (it happened a little over a year ago) and just question how he's living his life with his girlfriend. No, it's definitely not fair, and it's not easy to just move on. But even if this guy was nice (mine was, he liked to bribe me and trick me into situations) that won't ever change the outcome of what happened, and what YOU choose to believe.

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