but I guess I just found a way to
bury it deeper - and I HAVE to let some
of it out - with NO counseling, and only
a couple who believe me, I have a husband
who I can only hurt because he wants
to help me and he can't . . . only my
dogs to share with, and somehow that just
Sorry guys, I HAVE to vent.
Bits and pieces in my mind
Not enough to help me find
What has happened in the past -
Only sadness, pain will last.
Segments of that anguished "dream"
Pieces of that "mental scream"
Bits of this and bits of that
Not enough to start a chat . . .
Whose voices came out from the walls?
Who shined lights in shower stalls?
Watching private parts of me
That no one will e'er again see . . .
Showing me where their minds were set
Watching me shower, seeing me "wet" -
Wonder what they wanted next?
Wonder why my soul was vexed?
Then when the walls no longer "talked"
Why did they follow me as I walked?
When their cars went to and fro -
Back and forth so I would know . . .
Only that I was being stalked -
No one approached me, no one knocked -
All they did was cause great fear
'Cause I could see they were still near.
Oh, the shame I now embrace
When in the mirror I see my face -
Wondering who my a*users were
Can they still see me? Are they here?
Do they watch me in the tub?
Do they see me as I scrub?
Whatever were they looking for?
Do they still think that I'm a whore?
Only pieces - only bits
Just enough to give me fits
Only parts of that strange night
Fill my nights with pain and fright.
Why did they come here as I slept?
What is the secret that they kept?
Why only pieces, why only bits?
WHAT did they do to give me fits?
I have no knowledge of what they tried,
On the night when my spirit died.
Who were they - the ones who hurt?
Why did they do it? I didn't flirt.
I wore no short skirts, my face was bare -
No make up, no jewels to adorn my hair -
Only me, and nothing else
WHO, what . . . WHY ? ? ?
I'm told the past must be put away
Forget the horrors of that day.
"Move right on, leave the past behind"
"Clear your heart", "clear your mind" . . .
"You'll never know what gave you fright
On that aweful, trecherous night -
Only think of happy things -
It will take away the stings"
Happy things? Pray tell me please
What they may be - I must appease
This empty soul, this aching heart
Please show me how to play this part.
So I'll just keep on "keeping on"
Til all of my life is gone . . .
With hopes that one day I shall see
The happy one that once was me.