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crying

Posted by Evie03 , 03 July 2013 · 113 views

i feel so effing alone. i dont know what to do. i feel like im screaming in a room filled with people and no one notices, or even gives a sh*t. im spinning round and round in my head. i am so alone. i want to cry and my eyes hurt, but i cant seem to do it. all i wanna do is sleep, or cry. and i cant cry. i need to cry. my heart feels heavy as with pain, like its sinking to the floor cause it knows too that i cant carry this load.



Been there so many times. Probably going there again, though I would love to think that I never will. My hopeful aspect: I go there with less frequency than I used to. 5 years ago, I was there at least once a week, totally incapable of functioning for several hours out of the day, or maybe even the whole day. It is tough to heal. It takes work and patience and total determination. You can do it.

Been there so many times. Probably going there again, though I would love to think that I never will. My hopeful aspect: I go there with less frequency than I used to. 5 years ago, I was there at least once a week, totally incapable of functioning for several hours out of the day, or maybe even the whole day. It is tough to heal. It takes work and patience and total determination. You can do it.


thank you stephanie8.... i got there all the time. almost there all day today. it hurts. i feel lost. maybe one day i wont go there so often...

in a room where no one notices you, screaming but nothing coming out. I stand there letting people get the better of me. Room spinning I think at least I hope it is and not me. I have good days where I'm not in that room but other days I'm alone even with people there. Dancing to music but not really hearing having to see the boy that hurt me 27 years ago, still feels like yesterday. Then in my mind I see the other boy that hurt me also 27 years ago, the two should not be in same room, they don't know each other. Different school different lives, different cities, room spinning life spinning, feeling lost and confused. 27 years ago I was a 19 year old who thought she know everything but 2 guys different raped me and thought I enjoyed it.First time i really said that to anyone but my husband and a couple of very close friends. I just did not want to said it cause I would have to accept that it really happened



i get the part where no one hears u... and where nothing comes out. thats me today, with the tears. crying on the inside, but not on the outside. so i feel disconnected.it took me 14 years to accecpt that it happened, and tell someone. sucks. but it did happen. i just hate that it did. im werid, im broken, hurt, in pain of at 9.9 most days. thats what i have to live with cause of it. a 9.9
It's taken almost 29 for me to accept something bad happened to me and sometime I still don't accept it. Calling home hurts even though they don't know what happened. My son choosing a college hurts cause one of the guys when there. Don't know if I will be able to go to the campus. Calling my high school today to get my transcript was hard cause thinking back is painful cause it happened my senior year(both of them) but had to do it so I can go to college. I can't and I won't let them rule my life. I have a wonderful son wonderful husband and a great job but I know there are things that does rule in but one day at a time life will get better

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