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He's still here, thought he'd moved away, far away from me. But he's HERE...
Now I'm looking over my shoulder expecting him to be watching me with those brown eyes that use to watch me everyday...
Part of me wants to find you and fall into your arms, but only because you programmed me to... like a computer programme you downloaded what you wanted into my head, you re-wired me till you were satisfied.
It's all kicking off...
I'm cutting, crying, dreaming, and remembering so much... its all coming to the surface and smashing me in the face one image after another, threatening to drown me in them.
Can't cope... pushing the ones I love away, soon they'll leave me. Then I'll be alone, maybe it's what I deserve.
So many horrible things don't happen to one person if they don't deserve it.
So many different things before HE even touched me.
At 8... At 13... and 15 and then 13-17 with him? Then 17/18 with an ex? SERIOUSLY???
Why the demons and shadows are coming up now in their masses is a mystery to me. They're clawing me and ripping me to shreds.
Suffocating me with their weight.
WHY WHY WHYYYYYY?
Now I'm looking over my shoulder expecting him to be watching me with those brown eyes that use to watch me everyday...
Part of me wants to find you and fall into your arms, but only because you programmed me to... like a computer programme you downloaded what you wanted into my head, you re-wired me till you were satisfied.
It's all kicking off...
I'm cutting, crying, dreaming, and remembering so much... its all coming to the surface and smashing me in the face one image after another, threatening to drown me in them.
Can't cope... pushing the ones I love away, soon they'll leave me. Then I'll be alone, maybe it's what I deserve.
So many horrible things don't happen to one person if they don't deserve it.
So many different things before HE even touched me.
At 8... At 13... and 15 and then 13-17 with him? Then 17/18 with an ex? SERIOUSLY???
Why the demons and shadows are coming up now in their masses is a mystery to me. They're clawing me and ripping me to shreds.
Suffocating me with their weight.
WHY WHY WHYYYYYY?
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3 Comments On This Entry
I am so sorry you are feeling this right now. Please don't hurt yourself because you deserve better. We will not leave you and are here to listen when you need us!
might4right,
26 July 2011 - 04:08 PM
i'm finding it so so difficult at the moment...
Clemsta,
27 July 2011 - 03:22 AM
and thank you x
Clemsta,
27 July 2011 - 03:22 AM
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