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My Uncensored Life Chapter Five "T"

Posted by bellachai , 31 March 2010 · 120 views

I am not sleeping tonight so I might as well type another chapter of my life.

The fourth house we lived in I have always called the purple bricked house. I believe my mother and the evil stepfather bought this house. It had a swing set out back and the backyard seems to have been large. The house had a finished basement. The family room was down there and my mother often ironed while watching TV. There were two other rooms down there, one was used for my sister and I's toys, sorta of a playroom and I have no idea what the other room was used for. I have no memory of it. The main floor had a livingroom, dining room, kitchen, three bedrooms and one bathroom.

I remember going into the house prior to moving in. My sister and I found this box under the bathroom sink. The box was full of what looked like chocolate kisses so we tried one. OMG was that ever the worst tasting stuff. We were spitting it out in the sink and washing our mouths out quickly before the evil step father found out what we were doing. It was dog treats. I cannot even imagine a dog liking them.

There were many children in various age brackets in the neighborhood. The was a bunch of rowdy boys next door and I avoided them. Directly across from us was a little girl and I cannot remember her name. She was younger than I but her mother made tons of barbie clothes for her daughter. I often went over there to play with her and sometimes she let take one outfit home to be returned the next time I came over.

I remember one time going to the store with my mother. My sister and I stuck a whole lot of peanuts still in the shell down our pants. We made all the way home and to our play room down in the basement before we got caught cuz we were shelling and eating them. We both got the thin belt for that one and we had to throw all the peanuts away.

Another girl lived up the street. She told me she was Jewish. I had no idea what that was so I asked my mother. She told me that the Jews do not believe that Jesus was the son of God. They believed Jesus was a great prophet. As if I even knew what a prophet was. So the next time I saw the girl I told her I ask my mother about her being a Jew. I bluntly said she does not believe Jesus was the son of God which was wrong because he was. I remember this because I made her cry. I felt so bad that I had hurt her. I tried to apologize but she just avoided me after that. I cannot believe I did such a horrible thing. I am not sure I knew it was horrible until she cried.

I remember being in the brownies for a brief time. I had a uniform and everything. I liked it. I do not know why it was brief.

I remember going to school. I do not remember having any friends. I just remember being called names cuz I had buck teeth and glasses. I felt like an ughly duckling. I do remember one time I was running on the play ground and I ran right into the lowest pull up bar. Knocked myself right out. I woke up in the nurses office but my mother nor my evil stepfather came to get me. I stayed in the nurses office until the end of the day. I walked home. I felt like no one cared cuz I was so ughly.

I remember one time walking down the stairs to the basement and seeing black spots then nothing. I blacked out or something and the weird thing is I do not remember why I was going in the basement nor what happened after I blacked out. I mostly just remember the black spots and feeling funny.

I remember walking home from school and there was a curve on our street and as I turned the cruve I would close my eyes and repeat to myself "please let Gram be there" Then I would open my eyes and if her car was out front I would run home and if it was not I would walk very slow. If Gram was there the evil stepfather would leave me alone as like all bullies he was a coward. He was afraid of Gram and Gram was not afraid of him. She would tell him off then he would leave or go to his and mothers bedroom. Gram was my champion.

Unfortunately for me Gram was never there when I really needed her to protect me.

:trigger: :trigger: :trigger:

Okay this is the bad stuff. I have not even told my T these details but I am thinking if I type here now then tomorrow at my appointment I will be able to talk about this incident that I do remember as I know their others that I do not remember and I know there were others because I can remember thinking in the ones I do remember "oh no not again".

I rememer I got the German Measles and I think I got a double dose of it because I was so sick for a few days. I had a fever for days. My evil stepfather still worked nights and my mother worked during the day. He came into my room and told me my mother said I needed to sit in a bath but before he put me in a bath he said he would rub my back first which he did after he took off my clothes and laid on my bed next to me. I laid on my stomach. After awhile he moved me to my side facing him. Apparently he took his pants off and underwear too. He would place one of my legs on his hip then he would take is penis and rub his penis up and down between my legs and he was rough cuz I remember it hurting. I could see on his fingers and the top of his penis pushing harder and harder until the top of his penis disappeared inside of me. Then I never remember any more after that except I do remember the bath only because it had oatmeal in it. My evil stepfather raped me while is was sick with German Measels. How sick is that?

I don't remember any more about being in the purple bricked house. I just know I did not like it there.

Blessings to all who actually read this.



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missophelia
Mar 31 2010 01:22 PM
bellachai

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

You are so very brave to write this part of your story. I am so so sorry that your evil stepfather did that to you when you were home sick. I'm so sorry he hurt you like that, and gave you such pain.

I wish I had something to say to make it all better for you and take your pain away. But I understand, and give you all the support I can. Just know that I am here listening. Any time you need me.

take gentle care of you
and try to do something special for yourself, something you would enjoy

peace to you, my friend
Thank you missophelia. It was hard to type. I was hard to remember cuz I really did not want to. Thanks for the hugs too.
How brave of you to read it. :hug: :hug: :hug:
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silentwords
Apr 01 2010 01:50 AM
I just want to say I really admire you for being able to type this. I am so sorry that it ever happened, of course it should not have happened at all. I also am listening and wish you luck in T tomorrow. I hope that typing it out here now will have helped. Safe hugs, and take care of yourself, you deserve it.

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