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living a lonely existance

Posted by lisalis , 15 October 2011 · 111 views


wow I have not used this in a long time, i am thinking that maybe I should more often, I went to T on friday and it was just a really hard session, made contact with my inner child and we did what my T is calling chair work which is basically me talking to myself at 5 and my 5 year old self talking to me. It is just so hard I dont like to do this stuff but I know I can never grow anymore without this, I just feel like I cannot trust anyone, I havent really felt that before especially in this magnitude. It definitely stems from my inner child because when I am in that "mode" of being a child the not trusting people is even worse. But again its definitely more prominent in all aspects of my life then I am used to, I used to be/am? social but I am feeling more of a need to pull away from those I am close to for fear of being hurt. Its like I cant show anyone how scared and vulnerable I am because they will hurt me in some way. I don't 100% believe that but thats how I feel inside. I know everyone needs people and I definitely need people but with some of the things I am dealing with needing and being close to people is going to be so difficult for me. :tear:
I guess i say I feel like I am living a lonely existance becuase I feel I cant reach out for the support i once had in my friends, its my choice or my change in feeling but make no mistake i feel my support is gone and I cant tell anyone anything and that is so hard for me

I just dont know how I am going to get back to trusting people again and feeling okay about being nearby others who I dont trust as much, I am hoping lunch with my good friend this week will go okay, I need to be able to talk to her I hope I can :toomuch:

Hi Lisalis, just saw your blog post - it caught my eye because it mentions chairwork. I relate to what you say about it being difficult and bringing up lots of fear feelings. I do chairwork with my therapist and I found it soooooooo hard at the beginning - like I really felt like she was trying to trick me or something. But over time it got easier and now I find it very helpful. I've learned a lot about how to listen to and respect my feelings and I feel more connected to my inner child :) I also trust my therapist more !!!
I also strongly relate to what you say about feeling lonely and with-drawing. For me I also am convinced if I show a genuine need I will be slapped down or ridiculed :bawling: and I've been socially withdrawn over the past year but starting to come back to life more lately! Honestly looking back I think I needed the down time to rest and deal with what was coming up. I think its helped me sort out who I want to be friendly with and learn to discriminate and trust again...
Best of luck with your healing and thanks for sharing your experiences.
Thanks Emma for your reply
Its so good to know I am not alone in this. It definitely helped to hear you say you have become closer to your inner child this way as I have struggled with knowing my inner child well in the past. Also the feeling you mentioned about being rediculed or knocked down describes me well and is definitely a big fear of mine I hope soon I can learn to trust my therapist more, I do really trust him now already I hope the bond will grow stronger. Thanks again for your reply its so great that someone understands.

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