I just SI'd... again. Third time this week. I'm sorry. I ordered something to hurt myself with online but then I told my T so she said I had to give it to her. I had it all packaged up and everything but then I started having another memory about my dad. I can't handle living with him. I hurt myself badly. Now one of them is opened. I don't know how to tell her. I have to give her all of them but now this one is open and it has blood all over it and she'll know. I hope she isn't mad at me. I hope I didn't disappoint her. These days the only thing I'm good at doing is disappointing people and the only time I can smile is right after I hurt myself. I just wish I had someone that loved me, someone that cared, somewhere safe to go so maybe I wouldn't have to do this anymore.