The nights are even darker...
My route to work passes by the Massage Spa where the rape took place. I haven't left the house since so tomorrow morning will be the first time. I'm tired....I try to sleep but find myself jumping up wide awake after an hour. I see his face clearly now, although in the darkness of the massage room I thought perhaps I really didn't see him. But I did...and I felt every violation to my body.
What is hurting the most at night, and especially tonight, is that I can't take away the hurt from my daughter's face...she's 28, a therapist, and was out here visiting from Colorado when it happened. Here she came to have a wonderful family weekend and she leaves with scars of an event that should never have happened. She has a dad with terminal cancer she adores, and now a mom who is broken into a hundred pieces from a rape no one could have ever predicted.
All my girls, and my husband, are struggling. They are being so supportive, but now they need support. I usually am there to give it to them..but I am exhausted. I don't eat, sleep, and feel a million miles away. I wish I were a million miles away. I wish I could take away their pain.
Tomorrow is a new day...a new start...and my world filled with tasks and thoughts all relating to a random rape. Not what I expected for the summer of 2013. I will try to focus on my clients, and their issues, and hopefully make a difference in at least one person's life.
For now..I am going to face the darkness of another night...and even darker....are the sad eyes of my daughters and husband.