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To sum it up.... my sister in law gave birth last night prematurely via c section because of her high blood pressure. She wasn't due for almost 4 weeks more. My niece didn't make it, she passed away at less than 1 day old. I'm destroyed, and my in laws are worse. I cried driving home when I found out. I can't do anything, as they are in another country 3,000 miles away.
I wrote this earlier when I found out.
I can't stop crying because it's not fair
I can't stop crying, because my daughter wipes away my tears
as I cry for another mother who will never have that blessing
I can't stop crying, and I feel selfish
because she is my husband's sister, not mine
but I can't stop crying
My heart is broken for her and for me
Because I knew the fear of almost losing a child
and I know the sorrow that befell my neighbor who lost hers
I can't stop crying because I don't know what else to do
because I am angry and sad and helpless and lost
I can't stop crying. The tears won't stop coming
Because I dreamed of flying out to hold my niece
because I couldn't wait for her and my daughter to play
I can't stop crying, because my daughter already called her "my talia"
I can't make the tears stop
and I feel inconsiderate that I can't stop them long enough to console my husband
Every other death in my life I could put it aside
Every other time I could suck it up to be someone else's shoulder
And I feel like I have no right to cry in front of him when he needs a shoulder
but I can't stop crying
I feel like my heart's been ripped out of me, and it's not my child that was lost
but I hurt for her, and I just can't stop crying
I want to make the hurt go away, but it's nothing like what she feels and I know it
I don't have a right to feel this sad, this angry... but I do
and I just can't stop crying
1 Comments On This Entry
Sometimes you can't see what's always been there. My OCD?
on Jun 12 2013 08:28 PM
She's gone :(
on Mar 17 2013 09:27 PM
I feel like it won't ever get better u.u
on Sep 29 2012 05:18 AM
A suicide or accident I could have stopped.
on Sep 26 2012 10:14 AM
Times change :)
on Feb 18 2012 09:41 AM