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Day 62: Coping with Gyno Fear

Posted by intrepidshe , in Gynecology, Healing Work 10 February 2014 · 329 views

Feb. 10, 2014 (Countdown Part II: 3 days to gynecologic exam):
 
I'm feeling scared.
  • I am scared of how I will react at the G exam appointment.
  • I am scared of how it will feel to be touched down there by someone who could hurt me.
  • I am scared of the crinkling paper on the exam bed.
  • I am scared I might pass out during the exam.
 
Since I'm feeling scared tonight, accompanied by an array of physical symptoms, I will go through my Fear of Feeling exercise.
 
"When panic starts, sensible thinking stops. You cannot depend on being able to think very clearly at the time. For this reason, you should work through the 10 rules for dealing with strong feelings."
  • I recognize my feelings are nothing more than an exaggeration of normal bodily functions.
  • The feelings are not harmful or dangerous. They are unpleasant. I recognize that nothing worse will happen than feeling these unpleasant symptoms.
  • I won't add to my anxiety by thinking about where these feelings might lead.
  • I notice what is really happening in my body: my ribs hurt (actually the muscles between my ribs keep having spasms), I feel short of breath, my ears are ringing, my muscles in my jaw and face are tight, and my stomach is nauseous. I am not afraid of anything more than this happening.
  • I will wait and give it time to pass. I am not fighting it or running from it. I accept how I am feeling as a normal reaction to my situation.
  • The fear will start to fade on its own as I refuse to add to it.
  • This buildup of anxiety is an opportunity to cope with fear, rather than avoid it. By coping with it I make progress. It will improve my ability to face the G exam.
  • I have made progress in the months I have been preparing for the G exam. I have learned to recognize the symptoms of anxiety. I have begun to name my feelings and even share them with others. This is real progress.
  • When I feel better I will decide what to do next. It might be taking a shower, it might be watching TV, or exercising for 20 minutes.
  • When I am ready to go on, I will start off easy, in a relaxed way. I will not push myself, or be in a hurry.
I recognize that I have a plan that I will follow for the G appointment. I won't push myself to go through with the appointment if I start to have a full-blown panic attack. I can stop the exam at any time. It's OK to take this in small steps.
 
It's OK to take this in small steps.
 
It. is. OK. to. take. this. in. small. steps.
 
I will take claim of my ability to care for myself. My abusers do not get to continue harming me because they took this from me.



Oh Intrepid,

 

I'll ride in your pocket if you like. I understand. Every time I have a G exam, I cry and I hurt. And the doctor and nurse act as if I am a freak. No one asks me what is wrong or why  I am crying. They just don't care.But I care about you and if ok, I am sitting with you and sending safe hugs.

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intrepidshe
Feb 10 2014 10:43 PM

Oh Intrepid,

 

I'll ride in your pocket if you like. I understand. Every time I have a G exam, I cry and I hurt. And the doctor and nurse act as if I am a freak. No one asks me what is wrong or why  I am crying. They just don't care.But I care about you and if ok, I am sitting with you and sending safe hugs.

 

Thank you! I appreciate the support of having my Pandy's friends in my pocket. I'm so very sorry to learn the health care providers never asked why you reacted that way. It makes me so angry to think of that happening to you. I hope you can find a team that treats you better than that.

 

Thanks for being here for me!

Maybe you can ask the doctor to explain what they will be doing before or during the exam. A few pandy users have informed me that this helps sometimes with calming the nerves. I go for the first time to the gyneo in about two weeks. Will be honest that I canceled about 4-5 times this past year because I either got my period or freaked out and could not go through with it. But I think keeping that in mind of going when you want will help ease the nerves and stress. Because if you go in, telling yourself you have to go it just puts too much strain on yourself. So that is good that you are able to recognizable your limits. That takes a lot so be proud of yourself.
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yarnfoolishness
Feb 11 2014 12:28 PM

This is a great exercise.  :cuppa:  I'm still with you for this countdown.

 

Maybe you could request a cloth sheet (or even a gown) to cover the table with instead of the paper?

 

Sending good thoughts.

I'm still here, too. I so want you to be able to take of yourself, to get your exam! If I could be there to hold your hand, I would...if that was ok with you, of course. You know what I mean. I just want you to have everything you need to get you through this.
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intrepidshe
Feb 11 2014 09:38 PM

Maybe you can ask the doctor to explain what they will be doing before or during the exam. A few pandy users have informed me that this helps sometimes with calming the nerves. I go for the first time to the gyneo in about two weeks. Will be honest that I canceled about 4-5 times this past year because I either got my period or freaked out and could not go through with it. But I think keeping that in mind of going when you want will help ease the nerves and stress. Because if you go in, telling yourself you have to go it just puts too much strain on yourself. So that is good that you are able to recognizable your limits. That takes a lot so be proud of yourself.

 

Winter, I'm glad you said that. It helps.

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intrepidshe
Feb 11 2014 09:40 PM

This is a great exercise.  tea%20smilie.gif  I'm still with you for this countdown.

 

Maybe you could request a cloth sheet (or even a gown) to cover the table with instead of the paper?

 

Sending good thoughts.

 

I am definitely going to ask for the cloth sheet. If they don't have it, we'll see how I feel at the moment. My T suggested I go through several small exposure experiences with the paper to begin to desensitize. I wasn't able to get on board with that. If cloth isn't an option, I could ask if it could be done if we reschedule the appointment. I could decide to go forward with the paper up to the point that it becomes a problem.

 

I have an idea for desensitization, but I would need someone's help. If this proves to be too much for me I'll discuss it with my T.

 

But, I don't want to get ahead of myself.

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intrepidshe
Feb 11 2014 09:42 PM

I'm still here, too. I so want you to be able to take of yourself, to get your exam! If I could be there to hold your hand, I would...if that was ok with you, of course. You know what I mean. I just want you to have everything you need to get you through this.

 

Thanks Lua! I imagine if we knew each other person I would be delighted to have you there to hold my hand. I so wish I had such a friend. But, knowing you're here, as well as the others, really does help me. I imagine you all along with me, telling me I can follow my plan. I am in charge. It's OK to do what I can and no more.

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yarnfoolishness
Feb 12 2014 12:34 PM

I was thinking...  If they don't have a cloth sheet, maybe they could put down a couple of gowns instead.  just a thought. 

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intrepidshe
Feb 12 2014 09:36 PM

I was thinking...  If they don't have a cloth sheet, maybe they could put down a couple of gowns instead.  just a thought. 

 

That's a fantastic idea!

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yarnfoolishness
Feb 13 2014 12:30 PM
Still with you.

About Intrepid She

This is a moderated PUBLIC blog. This blog is a therapeutic tool I am using to help me get over my fear of doctors, which is made difficult by a history of abuse by them, to learn to grieve, and ultimately to integrate my dis-integrated heart.

 

View postings specific to health care.

View postings specific to touch.

View postings specific to crying.

 

The content of this blog is not appropriate for children or for anyone who might be triggered by reading about sexual abuse.

 

To the many others walking your own version of this path, I wish you well on your journey. -Intrepid

 

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