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trying to process....

Posted by missophelia , 02 October 2013 · 103 views

Trying to process all that happened to me in regards to the trauma is hard. I've been working on it, off and on, for the past 5 years. And I know that, in that process, a lot of the time I look back and in pours the self blame.

I think it is important to remember to not second guess myself. To not go back and say to myself, if only you had done this. If only you had said this, or not done that. To not do any of that.

Because that only feeds in to the self blame. And I need to really be careful of the self blame.

Because that self blame leads to self injury and the strong desire to kill myself. Both of which I am struggling with right now.

A lot is so much more complicated than what it appears to be on face value.



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Untangling-It-All
Oct 02 2013 06:57 PM
None of it is your fault. You were not responsible, it's those that hurt you that are responsible. They made the choice and the decision to hurt you. The self-blame is an effort to feel like you had control over the situation, because that loss of control is so terribly scary. What you went through was terrible, and you did everything you had to to survive and get through it.

You are not at fault, and you do not deserve what happened to you :hug:
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missophelia
Oct 02 2013 07:06 PM
Untangling

Maybe you are right, and I never thought about it that way. That loss of control was horribly scary, and still to this day if I feel I don't have control in some situation, it is very triggering.

Thank you for saying that. :hug:

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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