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comparing myself to others

Posted by crazycatlover , in about my abuse 23 April 2014 · 189 views

this has been a problem since i joined pandys. it started with me reading other people's horrible stories of what happened to them and thinking "I haven't been through anywhere near that much -why do I have all these issues?" now I've realized the reason I saw my former T,the bad one,was comparison of another kind. I thought since the way my T did things was so different from other people's Ts she must be doing it wrong. the truth is she's not doing it wrong,in fact she's awesome as always she's just doing things in her own awesome way. I wonder why I feel such a need to compare myself to others here....

 I wonder why I feel such a need to compare myself to others here....



I bet you compare yourself to others outside of here as well. It's not unusual.



"I haven't been through anywhere near that much -why do I have all these issues?" 



I feel the same way. Well honestly I don't even think my issues are so bad. I don't suffer from flashbacks. No body memories. No DID. Virtually nothing that looks to be related to sexual activity.


Except that I have withdrawn from the world. I don't suffer from issues because I have no exposure. Lots of people here have quite difficult issues. But many of them have had relationships. Married. Kids. So I don't have serious CSA issues but I also don't have connection. Now if you were to do a comparison, am I better off or worse? 


There is no point in doing comparisons. Maybe a comparison of how you are today compared to a month or a year ago. (hopefully better) But comparison to others? We are all different and we all have our own problems. When I learn of someone's story I don't think better or worse, I feel. I feel for them. Because I know what it is to hurt.




That's not where I thought I would go when I started.

Comparisons are very tricky and we're all told not to do it because it doesn't help any of us - we are all hurting and it does not make us hurt any the less if we see another person's different hurt.

A couple of thoughts that have helped me:

1. About pain. If you look at a hospital and how they deal with patients, they start from the point of view that everyone there deserves to be healed, to be better. The extremity and severity of the injuries/sickness might determine the order in which they are dealt with and amount of time/resources used but there is still the assumption that everyone there is in some kind of pain and deserves not to be.
Also, pain is your body's way of calling your attention to it - it can be agony to stub your toe - that pain can be severe - and just because it may heal quicker thank broken bone does not reduce the pain you are in at that moment.

2. If you look at the very essence of abuse/sexual assault, I think it is to do with betrayal of trust (even if it is a stranger, we assume that strangers we meet aren't going to attack us - otherwise everyone would find it hard even to go to the shops to buy food) and breaking of boundaries. If you look at what you experienced in that way ie was your trust betrayed (yes) and were your boundaries broken (yes) then you can see that you experienced that just as much as anyone else (even if they had other, additional things). And it's those things that (I believe - and of course this is just my view) that cause the 'issues' that you're talking about.


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