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About littlebit1059

  • Birthday 02/07/1960

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  • Location
    Virginia Beach, VA
  • Interests
    Childhood sexual abuse survivor. Mother, wife and friend. I am a mortgage underwriter. I am a staunch believer in the protection of all children from any and all forms of child abuse (mental, emtional, physical and sexual). Currently I have my own group on my Lady's Only Social Network called "The <br />Wounded Healers" on The Lady's Hangout. The link is<br /><br />They are very private but you are more than welcome to read my poetry there.
  1. Let's Protect Kids for Real!

    <a href=""><img src="" width="180" height="150" alt="National Association to PROTECT Children -" border="0" /></a>
  2. Never Give Up!

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  3. My Safe Place in Cyber Space

    <p style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><img height="211" alt="" src="*TVFXqxiyT-6C3uZc7fyFDSHBxXBE/WelcometoTheLadysHangout.gif" width="399"/></p> <div><br/>This website was created to give women a safe place to interact free from the interuptions of men seeking out online dates! It is my heartfelt desire that you find some wonderful new BFF's here on "The Lady's Hangout". I am proud to say that we have a great group of ladies here who are members on this website for a reason. They too are searching for that one special girlfriend. Could this be YOU? Become a member and find out for yourself! I hope you enjoy this site as much as I've enjoyed creating it. But more importantly I hope you find that special online friend here on "The Lady's Hangout". Remember this is a womans only website and you must recommend this lady to our website to be approved by me or any of my co-administrators. Please follow this link to visit us on "The Lady's Hangout" at <a href=""></a> </div><br> or follow this badge to my safe place in cyberspace....<br> <embed src="" quality="high" scale="noscale" salign="lt" wmode="transparent" bgcolor="#ffffff" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="" width="206" height="242" allowScriptAccess="always" flashvars="" /> <br /><small><a href="">Visit <em>The Lady's Hangout</em></a></small><br /> <div>With all my Love Fellow Survivors,</div> <div>Margaret Ditty</div> <div>Founder of The Lady's Hangout</div> <br/><p style="VISIBILITY: visible"><embed name="myflashfetish" pluginspage="" align="middle" src="" width="219" height="35" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" wmode="transparent" flashvars="myid=13125751&path=2008/09/21&mycolor=47092E&mycolor2=CC2A43&mycolor3=BDB396&autoplay=true&rand=0&f=4&vol=100&pat=1&grad=false" allowscriptaccess="never"></embed> <br/><a href="" target="_blank"></a></p>
  4. Secrets

    Secrets My life is an open book Feel free to look inside Because I am recovering There's nothing left to hide. I no longer need keep secrets I've found the truth, you see That things kept in secret Can be used to injure me. Cause secrets in the dark are weapons to the heart But secrets in the light Send my fears to flight!
  5. Your Cross

    A young woman was at the end of her rope. Seeing no way out, she dropped to her knees in prayer. "Lord, I can't go on," she said. "I have to heavy a cross to bear." The Lord replied, "My child, If you can't bear it's wegiht, just place your cross inside this room. Then, open that other door and pick out any cross you wish.". The woman was filled with relief. "Thank you, Lord," she replied, and she did as she was told. Upon entering the other door, she saw many crosses, some so large the tops were not visible. Then, she spotted a tiny cross leaning against a far wall. "I'd like that one, Lord," she whispered. And the Lord replied, "My child, that is the cross you just brought in.". When life's problems seem overwhelming, it helps to look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself far more fortunate than you had imagined. YOUR CROSS.... Whatever your cross, whatever your pain, There will always be sunshine after the rain.. Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall, But God's always ready to answer your call. He knows every heartache, sees every tear, A word from his lips can calm every fear. Your sorrows may linger throughout the night, but suddenly vanish at dawn's early light. Our savior is waiting somewhere above, to give you his grace and send you his love. Whatever your cross, whatever your pain, God always sends rainbows after the rain.. "The soul would have no rainbows had the eyes no tears!"
  6. Why me?

    One day I had an epiphany about forgiveness. It's not that I can't forgive daddy; it's that I couldn't forgive myself. Eight. Daddy's favorite game was tickle, cuddle and sit on my lap. He said: "All daddies and daughters play tickle and cuddle, come sit on my lap." She hated it, but didn't know better. Never knew what "daddy" meant. Didn’t know what daddies did. Daddies didn't exist till she was four. Mommy said he had come back from the Vietnam War. Once upon a time her world was mom, grandpa and grandma, Aunti and Great Grandma; it was a perfect world before then. Then there was only just mommy and daddy. She said: "Okay, but not too much." She hated being touched but loved my daddy very much. But all daddies and daughters play tickle and cuddle. Baby rub daddy here. This is how we teach our little girls to be big girls on day. She hates her body for being responsive. She hates feeling pleasure. She hates feeling pain. She hates having learned how to barter. She hates being successful at it. She wonders, “If I keep playing, will you always love me, daddy?” Nine. Learning the meaning of "Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours." Did she learn to whore herself? Or did she learn how to survive? “Let’s play a game,” he said. She shook her head, no. The games were no longer fun. His fingers hurt her delicate parts. “If we play I’ll buy you ice cream.” She rarely had ice cream. Vanilla was her favorite. They played tickle till it hurt. He played tickle till it burned He played tickle till it felt good too. And then she hurt inside again. Twenty-nine. The movie in my mind is cheesy 70s porn. I scan the internet looking for the "lessons" from my childhood. Taboo was the syllabus. All I learned about sex I learned from this "film" and from the monster called father. If I was “good” I got ice cream If I was "good" I got toys. If I was "good" he checked my homework. If I was "good" he'd take me out. Ten. Mommy couldn't go because she was working. Mommy couldn't stay because she was working. Mommy couldn't play because she was working. Besides, mommy didn’t want to play, he said. But daddy does. Ten. Mommy was crying. She told me she wanted to tell me something. The diamond ring wasn't real she said. In revenge she told me he wasn't my real dad! Horrified I said, "Then why is he doing to me what all daddies do then?" You should have seen the shcoked look on her face. I was scared, so scared. Would mommy still love me if she knew, what we do? Slyly she comforted me and held me tight. Tell me honey what did he do. She pulled me closer to her my head on her breast. I could hear her heart pounding. I told her what all daddies do. Off to the police station we go to later recant everything. Dad comes home and with him my hell. She stairs out her bedroom window at the neighbors house. She views the "Happy Family" behind their house. I wish I was someone else's little girl. Maybe they would love me. Maybe this is all just a bad dream and I will wake up soon. The nightmare never ended. Fourteen Tickling turned into wrestling Which quickly stopped being a game. Mom was spending the night at a friends house. That night I lost my virginity to the monster called "Dad". I didn't fight, I didn't care. Afterall I didn't really matter anyway. Slyly he hisses, "If you tell her I will tell her you wanted it". Gratified he smiles and walks away. I am no more a little girl, just betrayed by those who should have protected me, my innocense betrayed. Fifteen. She feels guilty for being sexual. Always needing to be touched, but trying to push it away. Wanting, yet hating to be objectified. Orgasms make her cry. But clumsy teenage hands don’t bring gratification. She convulses from the wave of uncleanliness released with this unwanted pleasure. Crying ends in vomiting When will this pain ever end. Twenty The reel replays in my head. I'm a mother for the first time. Holding my baby in my arms. Loving him so. Dying for him if need be. Why didn't she love me like this? Why did she not protect me from him?
  7. You say I must forgive it's a biblical command~ So let's just take a moment to fully understand... What forgivenesss truly means, and what it really doesn't~ What the truth about it is, and what it actually isn't. Forgiveness doesn't mean I am forced to hide the truth. Of my childlike innocence stolen in my youth. Forgiveness isn't letting go, because you think I should~ And it's not forgetting...because YOU hoped I would. Forgiveness doesn't mean I forget about my pain~ So you won't have to look at yours...and be comfortable again! Forgiveness doesn't mean I deny what I feel... Because you choose denial, MY feelings are not real! Forgiveness doesn't mean you've no consequences to pay.. What you did changed my life in a most dramatic way! Forgiveness doesn't mean your responsibility can be ignored by you and forced to lie with me! I've got a full time job restoring peace within. From the chaos I've endured resulting from your sin. I'm no longer filled with rage~ God took that away. But healing comes in layers a little every day! Forgiveness doesn't mean I hide my pain so deep. Than when it tries to rise I cannot even weep. For TEARS are miniature messengers releasing frozen pain. Unlocking rusted doors, oiling hinges once again. If I push my feelings away, I lose an important part of my self and my life...where my healing has to start. Forgiveness isn't needing to make the other person pay. It's listening to my feelings, and hearing what they say! I've have the right to discover, who I am...and what I need... That's a gift God gave to me, and he's granted me the deed. Forgiveness does not mean I have to hide what's true. To feed your denial and keep protecting you. The are no family secrets~just things not talked about~ The price...too high...results in a deadly inner droubt. The process of my healing means I see...I feel... I talk~ The freer I become the stronger I can walk! I must have the courage to do what I need to do... To take care of myself and let God take care of you... I know I cannot change what I don't control... That applies to each of us if we're ever to be whole. I don't apologize for who I am or what I do... It's between me and God and does not hidge on you! To me forgiveness means I give God MY pain... And the penalties for perpetrators lie in "his" domain.. What ever that entails it's between you and God! God has set me free and now I am free to be me!
  8. Tiny Little Girl Child

    Tiny Little Girl Child by Shannon Spradlin Tiny little girl child out there all alone. In a great big world where everyone is grown. Tiny little girl child why are you forlorn? Are you wondering why you were ever born? Tiny little girl child you've got the right to be, free from sex perversion, free from misory. Tiny little girl child your spirit longs to soar. Through enchanted meadows, where you will hurt no more. Tiny little girl child you are not to blame! You are not a sex toy, doormats not your name! Tiny little girl child see the butterfly? Grab onto its wings child and you'll go flying high! Tiny little girl child let me hold your hand. I'll try to reach your heartache and help you understand. Tiny little girl child you are pure and clean. Innocent and wholesome not a sex machine! Tiny little girl child he stole from you today when he took your trust and your innocents away. Tiny little girl child he can't hurt you anymore. Cause I'm standing guard now at your bedroom door! Be a little girl child we'll talk another day