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About AphroditesDaughter

  • Birthday 04/10/1982

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  1. I feel like I should be over this...

    So...here I am... 25 years old and lost as hell. Can someone help me? I sure as hell hope so... so it wasn't violent, he wasn't a stranger, I was in denial for months and it's been 10 years since it happened. And from the sounds of it, I'm not alone. I think that may be the saddest part of it all. I'm sitting here at my desk at my dayjob in downtown Boston and all of a sudden I am overcome. The emotions of it all. I'm trying to compose myself as I sit here surrounded by these concrete walls and co-workers who I'm sure don't want to see me have a meltdown. I started looking up coping methods online since my therapist is not answering his phone right now and I found this website. After looking around, I decided to join. It's always nice to know that you're not as much of a freak as you think you are.. Right now, at this very moment, for some unknown reason, I want to just give it all up. Done, over, kaput. I am so depressed and I feel like I am losing my mind. I want to hide away from the world or better yet, just end it all. I can't deal with this anymore! The anger, the depression, the suicidal thoughts, the mood swings, the instability, the self-loathing, sense of loss, sense of failure, THE PAIN, I just CAN'T DO THIS anymore...oh my god. I'm seriously...whoa, seriously scared... I live in Boston, 7 hrs from my hometown, 7 hrs from that monster who took my virginity when I was 15, 7 F*CKING HOURS and it's still not enough space. Will I ever get away? So I'm driving that 7 hrs tomorrow morning to be in best friend's wedding... I'm one of her bridesmaids. I've never had a problem going to my hometown to visit my family and friends before...NEVER. So why now? All of sudden I am sick to my stomach and all of a sudden, I can't imagine being there. But are these horrible feelings that are sweeping over me this very second sudden? No - no they are not. They have been in my mind for 10 years. They rule me and my ability to live my life. When they overcome me, I am helpless. and that's how i feel right this very second...helpless... will someone please help me...