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About jenelliegirl

  • Birthday 06/30/1985

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  1. Back for more!

    Well it has been a very long time since my last post. When I first joined pandora, I went into sensory overload. It was too much for me and I had to stop, but after a long time, I think I am ready. I am past the healing process and into the acceptance process. There is no changing the fact that I had been raped, now its up to me to decide what to do with that. I can either fight it or embrace it, and frankly, I am tired of fighting. I hope one day I will be able to share my story and help someone, but for now I am happy getting up each morning and taking life one day at a time. My life has been changed forever, and its up to me to make it a change for the better. Enjoy your day!
  2. just another day

    well today is yet another day. I heard you can get free counceling by calling the RAINN hotline, but i had been putting it off for a long time because I am scared. Well i called last night and the second that a man answered the phone i freaked and hung up the phone. I know it sounds crazy but i don't feel like i can talk to a man about what another man did to me. It just makes me uncomfortable. So now i am trying to muster up some more courage to try it again. If anyone has any suggestions on places to get help please let me know. I just really feel like i don't know where to turn. I also wanted to ask someones opinion on an issue i have. I am trying to decide on whether or not to tell my mother i was raped. right now my mother just thinks that I was a slut who slept around and got an std. She doesn't know that i was raped and got the std that way. We have a lot of unspoken tension between us and I feel that if i tell her it will help her understand me more, but at the same time i don't know how she will react or even if i can muster up the courage to tell her. Can someone give me advice? Thanks!
  3. my story

    Well this is the first time ever I have spoken about being raped to anyone other than my husband. I guess I will begin by telling my story. About 3 yrs ago I moved to a new state. I didn't know anyone, i didn't have a job I didn't have anything. I began attending a local college and on the first day I met a guy. He quickly told me how beautiful I was and how wonderful and tried to flatter me in any way possible. I gave him my phone number and he called me later that day and asked me to go out with him that night. I said ok and he picked me up at my house and took me out. At the end of the date he dropped me off at my house and asked me if he could come in for a minute. I said ok and let him in. He then made himself at home and acted like he was stayin for a while, so i kind of let it go and we watched tv for a while. He then started kissing me and touching me. I liked him a lot but i wasn't ready to go that far yet, I didn't even know him that well. I kissed him for a while, I didn't want to push him away because I didnt' want to hurt his feelings. He started taking off my clothes so I kind of pushed him away and pretended like nothing happened, but he kept pushing. I finally asked him to stop and he ignored me. I then started to get scared and told him to stop again. He looked at me and said shut up or your dead! I just froze. I laid still and let him finish having sex with me and then he laid next to me and told me I was amazing, he acted like nothing had happened, like I wanted to have sex with him. I laid there in shock. I asked him when he was going to leave and he said in the morning! I felt like I was in hell. This man had just raped me and now he was spending the night. That was the longest night of my life! After he left I pushed the whole thing out of my mind and went on with my life until about 8 months later when i got a really bad yeast infection. When I went to the doctor she also tested me for stds it turned out that I had chlamydia. I knew that he had given it to me b/c he was the only person I had been with whjo hadn't used a condom. I felt so dirty! I got really depressed for a long time, but then I got married and things seemed to be looking up. A few weeks ago I had a break down while having sex with my husband. It just came out of nowhere. He said something that reminded me of being raped and I just broke down. Ever since I have been feeling depressed and I feel I need to talk to someone. feel free to reply to my blog. I am just beginging my healing process and i can take all the help i can get.