dohdoh

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About dohdoh

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    dohdoh

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  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  1. Hope

    I have not been on here in years and not sure the reason. This is a place of healing and help and I have done that so I want to help. Let me give yall alittle bit of an update with some background information. I have been a member on this website for several years now and since then I have gotten married have three children and finished college with a bachelors. I have worked in 911 dispatch for several years now . I realized that life sucks but we all have to heal in our own time at our own pace it took me terminating my parental rights on my child that was a product of rape by my uncle for me to properly begin this process. She was seven when I did it and I was 22. It was the hardest thing I have ever done but I knew it was for the best. I could not love her the way she needed to be loved and in that revalation I gave her a better life. It took me a year of observing her wiht someone else and their family to realize that I could not love her the way she needed. I still have problems with intimacy and crowds and other things but I have learned to accept these problems and tolerate the issues presented when they are presented. There is hope for those of you who are having problems and need help or those of you who seems like the abuse has defined you and destroys every part of your life. Time does not heal wounds, time makes wounds easier to live with by making them scars. I have physical scars from the years of abuse and am reminded everyday of how they got there and why they are there and sometimes it bother me but most of the time it is motivation to want to help victims and show or teach them there is a better way. I no longer consider my self a victim or a survivor. I am just a person who had a terrible childhood and had things happen to me that was wrong. It does get better and I have hope for you that you gain strength and wisdom from your experiences to become a even better person. Life is not waiting for the storm to pass. Its about learning to dance in the rain.
  2. Losing

    Death hangs over me like a black cloud The sun eventually beats its way through Only to be shrouded again by a black cloud It hurts to see the darkness all the time Try to escape it, run from it, hide from it It always finds me and hits me hard A heart that is crushed yet again Leaving one more scar Another pain, another sorrow Another piece of the heart scarred A piece that can never be replaced Gone forever given to heaven to take care of Sure there is no more suffering Yeah old age gets to the best of the best It does not make it any easier to let go The pain is not eased by knowledge Memories of what once was lives on Their bodies decompose turning to ash Their spirits live but not with us Lost so much to lose again and again In the past year i have lost 2 grandmas, 3 uncles, 1 aunt, and a coworker. One of those three uncles died today of organ failure. His heart was too weak to circulate blood through his body. He knew everyone when he died. He was in and is in good company. I wasn't able to see him to tell him good bye but i do miss him alot i cant bring my self to go to another funeral so i am not going to go i cant do it just cant
  3. Make em to only have em broken

    This past 2weeks has kicked my butt. My great grandma died 2 fridays ago then my uncle died the saturday after she did. These two people were some of the few that treated me like one of the family. My uncle emailed me everyday and i looked forward to checking it to see what stupid story he has done found on the internet. Now i have probably checked it once in 2 weeks. He drowned and he was the best swimmer i knew. it was hot and the water put him into a diabetic shock so instead of gasping for air his lumgs filled with water and now he is gone My great grandma died of internal bleeding from her small intestine i was the last person she asked about before she fell unconscious and i wasnt there. So last week i spent it in funreal homes and graveyards. See i am not really kin to my family by blood i am in foster care but have been in the same placement for a long time and they are all i have when it comes to family and to them i am not apart of the family but on the other side i am accepted it is just so hard seems like everyone i get attached to either dies, moves away, or betrays me, i am so tired of it and i dont get attached to a person easily it takes months. My mother is treating me like crap and i promised myself no one would ever treat me like that again but well what can i do. She did take me in when no one else would and they did want to adopt me but anyways....
  4. ARGH!

    I do not know where to go or what to do anymore when things start looking up it always seems like something always has to mess it up and it is hard to adjust to get things back the way they were before but the changes that it makes argh i do not know how much more i can take
  5. I hate fathers day also it just always brings back so many memories i use to want him to treat me like he did my sister and be loved by him i wanted him to be my father so bad but my mind would not let my heart do it i absolutely harte that man the only thing he ever done for me besides screw up my life was sperm donor i do not ever want to talk to this man again