alisha

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    34
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About alisha

  • Birthday 05/07/1985

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Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Chesterfield, Va
  1. The Coolest Kid Ever

    When I started to blog on Pandy's I told myself that I would update every week, and all that stuff. I'm horrible at keeping routines, as you can see. Things have been surprisingly ok. My husband and I are in Turks and Caicos for some undetermined time, but things are ok. We went to see his, well our son before Turkey Day. It sounds so weird to say my son, because he and I are only 9 years apart. He lives with his mother in California, and he might be the coolest kid ever. I often wonder if something was to ever happen to me what would happen to Mina and the twins; gosh I'm not used to hearing that yet. Before we married my husband was the best person I had ever met. He was loving, caring and harmless. I don't know what happened, I wish I could blame it on alcohol or drugs, but I cant, so maybe it was me. I always want to ask Saeed's mom (who is also a really chill person), what he was like before, did her abuse her? Is that why they split? I know his behavior is not my fault, but ugh, sometimes I just can't explain it. Anyways on the bright side he has been lovely since I became pregnant with the twins, and now that I am in my second trimester I am starting to get a little sad because I know the good times won't last forever and as soon as the babies are born it will start all over again. Oh and about Saeed, when we were with him a few weeks ago I was walking on the beach with him and we were talking, and he told me he wants to live with us. I was ecstatic! Not too many 13 year olds are so open. He is seriously the best kid I have ever met, and the best big brother to Mina. They absolutely adore each other. Unfortunately because we were on our way to the islands I talked to Ali (my husband) and Thalia (his mom) that maybe once we return we can try it. I would love to have him live with us, but I do not know if it's a good idea. Mina and the babies on the way won't really understand the bad relationship we have, and I can't see bringing him into that. I tried to talk to Ali about it, but the words don't come out, because I'm so afraid he'll flip out. Also, I know this relationship won't last forever, Mina's only 17 months now, but very soon she's gonna know something's up. I love Saeed so much, but I just don't want him to see this type of relationship and end up like Ali. I thought maybe we should move to California, but if I ever get in contact with my family again I will be too far from them. I'm confused as always. I just don't want Saeed to think we do not want him, because I would absolutely love to have him here. Maybe I can trick Ali into getting help… Saeed getting ready Biking Closeup of the coolest kid ever Ali Mina on the motorcycle We buy toys for her to be more excited by this
  2. Thank you so much for the support foreverhurt. Mina is truly the best think that has ever happened in my life, Alisha
  3. I first want to say THANK YOU for this message, I really needed to hear this. I was having a weird night, and I saw this and it made me realize that it will get better, eventually. Also, thank you for the comments, Mina is a ham, hopefully she will enjoy the new additions once they arrive. ((((Hugs)))) Alisha
  4. Thank you so much Dawn, yes I am very excited and nervious too. Two newborns scare me a little, well alot.
  5. TWINS!?!?!?!?

    Yes TWINS! I went for my first trimester ultrasound last week and I we found out there were two babies. The shock has not worn off yet, because I am still trying to fathom the idea of raising a 2 year old and twins. My husband of course is proud because he thinks he "made twins". I would really love to tell him that he had nothing to do with it, twins only come from the mother's side, but that argument is not worth it. Having another child is really frightening to me this time. I still remember very clearly all of the drama from my first birth. I have Lupus and after having Aamina I just couldn't build up enough strength until she was about 3 months old to get into my daily routine. I could barely take care of Mina, so cleaning, cooking and going to class was usually not an option. My husband actually did housework and cooked before, somewhere around the time I became pregnant with Mina he stopped doing everything. To make a very long story short, this ended with us fighting almost everyday. I had to stop going to class because I couldn't hide the bruises anymore, so I pushed myself to take care of my baby, the house and everything else he needed done. My hair started falling out, I was barely 90lbs and then I had a seizure. I can honestly say that I was happy to be in the hospital for that week. I just don't know if I can do this again, especially with 2 babies, 1 toddler and the dictator. The fear and hopelessness from those months keeps haunting me, because I know it is inevitable, I just hope it will not be as bad this time. My husband's job is sending him to Turks and Caicos for a few months and I think we are going to stay here, if he allows me so I can come up with a better plan. In random news my daughter has become a nudist. Every night after her bath she runs away before I can dry her off and runs around the house and hides, until she's tired. Her energy level is increasing every month and I'm afraid I will not be able to keep up soon. I found the nudist rolling around in the guest room Finally getting caught Watching me rake leaves
  6. Thank you so much
  7. A little pick me up

    Okay so my last few posts have not been uplifting, and I like to be a positive person, so I decided to post something, well someone that always makes me smile. Hope you enjoy Aamina Sophia at 5 months A few weeks ago (15 motnhs) Caught running away from her father while he was trying to get her shoes on.
  8. Overly Emotional

    Lately I have been overly emotional. I usually don't cry, or get stressed out very easily, but lately it's all I do. It just seems like everything is getting to me all at one time. Three years ago I would have never placed myself in the predicament that I have found myself in, and I don't see a way out of it. Oddly enough the past few weeks have been okay at home too. My husband and I are getting along again, my morning sickness is just morning sickness and no longer morning, afternoon and evening sickness, and I have all A's this semester. I'm not sure what it is, maybe it's just the hormones.
  9. Missing my Mother

    Recently I've been really missing my mother, and I'm not so sure why. We haven't talked in almost 3 years. When we last talked it was a heated argument on why I shouldn't get married, because I was 19, and he was 31. I didn't think they really meant that if I married him they would cut off all contact. I thought at least my father, brother and sister would understand. But they didn't, and I haven't talked to them since. In the past 3 years I've had a baby, graduated from college, been accepted into graduate school and started on my master's and became pregnant with my second child. I keep catching myself calling her, and then I stop. What would I say? How do I tell her I have a 16 month old and I'm going on my 8th week with another one? Then I become angry. Heated that the whole family cut me off. That when I tried to call in the past I have gotten nothing in return. I couldn't see not talking to my own daughter for years ! But then I miss my mom, we were close. I felt, and still feel like I still need her help, her guidance. I dunno I just need her.
  10. It will be a year the 12th of December. Exams were over and I was on winter break. On that very cold day, after my husband left for work, I packed as many bags as I could carry, grabbed my then 5 month old and we left. The week prior I had done all the research I could on shelters. Making sure to find one that would not turn us away because of lack of space. I found one a state away in Maryland. I drove for hours non-stop until we made it . I sat in the parking lot for awhile, unsure of what I had just done, and what was going to happen once I entered, once my husband came home, etc. I was numb. Everyone seemed so nice once we finally made it inside. I talked to some of the ladies, until the head of the shelter was able to speak with me. I sat Mina down in the playpen with the other babies, and we proceeded to walk toward her office. I can hear my heart beating through me chest as she's talking to me, I'm trying to make eye-contact, but it's just to hard to look her in the eye and explain why I came. This apparently becomes obvious to her and she stops talking for a second gets up and stands in front of where I am seated. She looks down at me and tells me that she doesn't feel that I am in the situation that I am describing. Then she tells me she can't help me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't cry, I just sat in that chair. I was trying to wrap my head around what was going to happen next, we had no where to go, and very little money. I felt like I was in a semi-catatonic state, I don't remember leaving, or how we ended up in Delaware that night. It's all just one big blur. It was late, my husband was surely home now, and knows we left. He called repeatedly, and I couldn't answer. After driving in circles, we found somewhere to stay for the night. After putting Mina to bed, I sat at the end of the bed trying to figure out a plan. I had no family to go to, no money after tonight and a 5 month old. I had nothing and no one. I had to go back. The entire car ride back, I had that impending sense of doom, like you are entering hell all over again. He was already home, I could see his car in the drive way, my heart sank, and I couldn't stop crying. Thankfully Mina was asleep. I put her in her crib closed her bedroom door, and tried to be brave. The easiest thing to say in this situation is to leave, it's just common sense. I left, I came crawling back, I knew what I was coming back to, but I didn't know what to do.
  11. Thanks for the support. It is a really difficult thing to explain, in my mind I know what I should do; I mean it's pretty obvious. It's hard to explain that bond you feel thats telling you to stay when you know you shouldn't. Again thank you for the support, Alisha
  12. Is it okay to feel this way...

    Lately, I have had the urge to runaway from my life. I am going into my 6th week of pregnancy, while going to grad school and raising a 15 month old. Is it okay to not be excited about having another child? I am grateful that I am capable of having children, and I love my daughter, but I'm not ready for this again. Our first child was not conceived in love, and neither was this one. I'm not ready nor do I think it is a great idea to bring another child into this already bad marriage. He is thrilled that I am pregnant again, but I can't be in a good relationship for 9 months and then have it turn to hell again once this baby is born. Well I can't do it again. Ugh...I'm at a loss. I can't see the rest of my life having baby after baby, to feel safe. But I feel like that is what it will become. Then I look at that face and I want to stay...
  13. A Little About Me Pt. 2

    Here are a few pictures of me and Aamina from our recent trip to California Aamina giving me a magazine like a bunny. My favorite picture of the moment. I just started making mini-collages for Mina, because she is recently interested in looking at pictures and books right now.
  14. A Little About Me

    I have had the wonderful opportunity to get to know a few of the wonderful people here, and I wanted to share a little of my life with you. I am 22 years old and a recent graduate of Virginia Tech; majored in Spanish, Education and International Studies, minors in Sociology, Psychology and Business. I currently attend Georgetown University, where I am studying for my Master's in Linguistics. On November 12, 2004 at 19 I married, and on June 20, 2006 I gave birth to our first child and very large child (8lbs. 15oz.) Aamina (Arabic: feel safe) Sophia (After my mother), in our backyard. I know that sounds completely insane, but I grew up in a very bohemian household, so I now have a very Green/Tree-hugging family; from a primarily organic diet, to organic toys, clothes and g-diapers for Aamina. It is a very difficult and expensive life choice, from compost systems to finding clothing, shoes, sheets and home décor that are sweatshop free. On Tuesday of this week I found out that I am yet again pregnant with our second child, due around late May/June again. My husband has identical twin sisters and there are several sets of twins on my side of the family, so I am completely fretful that I might be having twins. Lots of Love, Alisha