• Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About kmk

  1. The sound of running footsteps (especially behind me) anything involving capture guns quiet residential neighborhoods at night
  2. Ok, I'll give this a go. 1. It was my fault for being out at 11:30PM. 2. It was my fault for not seeing him coming. I shouldn't have been chatting with my friend. I should have been more observant. 3. It was my fault for not trying to get away. My hands were free, I could have tried to twist away, tried to put him in some sort of wrist lock, tried to take the gun... 4. It was my fault for going along with him. For doing everything he said. 5. It was my fault for choosing to give him oral sex. For saying yes, saying I would do it. 6. It was my fault for making the choice that left me with no evidence to convict him on. 7. It was my fault for not running when he was distracted. It was dark, and would be hard to aim. 8. It was my fault for not remembering him well enough. 9. It was my fault for not describing him well enough, for saying he was taller than he really was. 10. It was my fault for not getting him convicted. 1. It wasn't my fault becuase 11:30 isn't that late, I was in a "safe" neighborhood, I wasn't alone, I wasn't going far, and I didn't deserve that sort of punishment anyway. 2. It wasn't my fault because how could I have expected that? Talking to my friend was a normal thing to do. 3. It wasn't my fault because he had a gun in my back, I wasn't an expert in disarming people, he could have killed me in a second. I was only 15, and he was much larger than me. 4. It wasn't my fault because he said he would kill me. I thought I had to do what he said to stay alive. 5. It wasn't my fault because I had to say that. He could have made me do anything, whatever I said. 6. It wasn't my fault because he made me choose. And I chose what seemed less painful. And he wasn't planning on listening to me anyway. 7. It wasn't my fault because I thought he would kill me. 8. 9. 10. It was my fault. I can't think of anything to answer here. It was my fault he got off.
  3. I was raped by a stranger at 15, with a witness to my abduction, reported it to the police, and went through all the proceedings and a trial. After this, there was still no conviction. I have felt much the same guilt over not getting him convicted as it sounds like others have over not reporting. So, I would say that it probably doesn't matter whether you report or not, and I heartily agree with the statement that we are _not_ responsible for anything the rapist may do. Even if he were convicted, he could hurt people after his release. I think that this sort of guilt is a way of feeling like I have some sort of control over what happens? But in this case, there is no control, no responsibility, and no fault. And there should be no guilt (still trying on that one)
  4. Interesting thread. I certainly think about this - especially when walking alone at night. I imagine all sorts of horrible scenarios. What I feel isn't really fear, more a sense of inevitability. I'm convinced it's going to happen again someday (though logically, I know I live in a fairly safe place and that stranger rape is rare). I have a different perception of "self-defense" tactics and classes than most who have posted here. Although I took aikido for many years (both before and after the assault), I chose it because it was really not about self defense. I actively avoided anything to do with self defense, since I thought "self defense" was a lie to decieve people into thinking they could have some sort of control. Guns remove any possibility of control, and they are far too easy to obtain. My rapist had a gun at my back before I even knew he was there. There was nothing I could have done but what he said to do. I've talked about this to someone I know who's an expert in a variety of martial arts and defense tactics, and from what I've been able to gather, there's really nothing much you can do against a gun. All the things I might learn about kicks and jabs and poking people with my keys wouldn't help me if I was in that situation again. Which makes all the talk about being ready to beat up a rapist ring kind of hollow to me. And hence the sense of inevitability... I know this is probably a biased and unhelpful attitude... But I'm not sure how I could have a different one. What do you all think about situations in which you cannot at all prevent an assault?