This past week has been a bad one. On monday I was put into an emotional train reck. I've been having problems dealing with my 14 year old sisters attitude to life, and her disrespect of others. My mom seems to be just ignoring it, thinking that by not letting it get to her, that it'll make it all better and it will pass. She seems to think that is something that I need to do. But I don't see the point in ignoring it, especially with all this other stuff that I'm having to deal with now. I'm done worrying about my sister and her school and all the other things that I've been having to deal with. I'm just not emotionally able to do that anymore. All the pain from the rape has come flooding back and I can't control the tears anymore. Sitting her typing this I'm trying not to let them take over.
Tuesday I slept in late, atleast until noon...then I spent the entire day sitting in front of the computer and playing a game. All day....alone, and doing nothing. I finally went to my room at 8:30pm and crawled under the covers and watched tv in the dark. It was a bad day, this is what I didn't want to happen. I know it's slight depression, I know that it's taking over again. Mom and sis came home, shocked that I was already in bed, asking if everything was ok. I said yes of course, not wanting to burden them with what's going on. My sister kind of tapped into that I was a little depressed, but I said that I was fine. She's only 14, she doesn't need to worry.
Today I slept until 3pm, again more sleeping. Then I got on the computer for a little bit, but had to go and weigh in at weight watchers, it's a little better day than yesterday, but still not a great day. Not a day where I'm smiling and happy. Even right now, it's almost 3am and I'm wearing all black...except for my pink fuzzy slippers, but hey I don't have black ones.....I just wish all the pain would go away.