candyedgefield1996

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About candyedgefield1996

  • Birthday 01/24/1996

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Interests
    Animals, Nature,
  1. I just dont know anymore.

    I feel like I have a lot of problems, but they all root from when I was 6-10years old. I was sexually abused by my step brother. He would come in late at night and touch me. I was 6 so I don't fully remember but I cant completely forget. I would always pretended to sleep or I would move or nudge so he would stop and run away. When I was 10 he asked me to touch him and I couldn't do anything but say no over and over. I then locked my self in the bathroom till my Step Dad got home. It took a little while but I told my step sister when I was 10 or 11. I never realized how old he was because my family would blame it on the fact that he made a mistake and was young. He was 7 years older than me, when he asked me to touch him he was 17 years old. I am now 17 years old and I would never not at any age would I ever do that to a innocent child. I cant stop being angry at my Mom, Dad, and Step Dad. My Mom was to worried about my other siblings touching me that she didn't notice who was really doing it and my Dad doesn't know but If he wouldn't of abandoned me maybe he would have and my Step Dad wants to protect his son. My issue with all of this is why didn't any one protect me? why did he get to go start a wonderful life and have a wife and children? why is everyone so proud of him when he still hurt me? nobody in my family realizes I am hurting inside. I have never felt so much hate. I hate him, I hate my parents, and I hate myself right now. I don't hate myself because I blame myself I hate myself because I don't have the courage to prosecute him. I kind of wish I was never informed that I still could prosecute him. What I want more than anything is to trust men again because my dad left me, my brother hurt me, and my step dad never really stepped up as a father figure to me. The though of my current boyfriend leaving me feels unbearable and I don't want to push him away. If anyone can relate to this please help. I need advice on how to move on and make my current relationships better. I don't want to feel like I need to depend on a man, I want to know that with or with out a man I will be fine. Thanks for reading <3