sexual arousion is one of the most confusing and least talked about topics out there i think that most people get aroused by things that they cant even admit to themselves, because its 'weird' or 'sick' and it does NOT mean that you wanted it or asked for it if it felt good. i know that thats a really really hard feeling, when it is forced upon you but you recive pleasure from it. your boyfriend probably cannot grasp the concept of what you have been through at all, seeing as he has never been in any kind of situation similar i think that going through any kind of abuse forces a part of you to grow up fast, to experience emotions that are so complex and so unique to the person emotions that many people never experience in their lifetimes so people cannot understand easily, its like you have these memories and feelings from another dimension, and they cant even comprehend the dimension in the first place, so by the time you try to explain the experiences, they are completely lost. different people just react differently when they get so utterly lost, some say that it couldnt have happened, and others feel like they cant help you. this is my first post of any sort on this website, and i hope that you enjoy reading it your writing touched me and i felt the need to respond.