1. Where you silenced by someone? How?
Yes. By a gun, knife...threatened into silence. Also I thought if I told someone...than that would make it real...and I didn't want itto be real.
2. Have others, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?)
Yes..when I told my mother for the first time...she actually told me I was lying...and when I kept insisting that I wasn't she went to the people I mentioned and asked them...after that she told about 6 more people. After that I just quit telling her stuff..
3. Did you “tell” other people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc)
I became anorexic...then when they almost put me in the hospital on a feeding tube...I became bulimic. I withdrew from everything and everyone. I started smoking, running away, getting in trouble with the cops, and cutting.
4. “The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last” Do you agree to that statement? Why or why not?
Yes I agree with the statement. I feel the same way about all my relationships.
5. How do you see yourself now?
I see a scared little girl, who doesn't quite understand everything, and questions everything. I see myself as a failure, not worthy of anything.
6. Have you ever begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?
Yes...I told my mother (read number 2 for her response), I told my a few of the guys I dated/engaged to...most did the same thing to me after I told them, only one of them didn't....but he really didn't care..everytime I tried to talk about it...he just rolled his eyes and changed the subject. I'm slowly telling my girlfriend...so far so good...maybe because she's been through a lot too.
7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?
I have a hard time trusting people but I'm working on it. I used to be a very trusting person....but that changed. I have a hard time trusting myself..