"Just BE happy. You can do it. Just STOP crying. Go on, be happy." This was a stupid series of comments for obvious reasons, but for me it was so devastating because they came from my very best friend, and I knew he was just trying to help and encourage me, to will happiness into me. Also, at that moment I decided that nobody would ever understand me and I should just shut up, and I actually stopped talking for several weeks. I think this was a setback in my recovery. I am no longer friends with this man, and the most horrible part is that it was HIS choice because he said that I was "no fun" to be around and "always thought of myself" and he completely denied the ten years of our friendship when I was not like that, and most excruciating he said: "You have always been this way" a year later...the day he decided (to tell me) I was not worth being around. And his fiance, who I think was the real destroyer of our friendship because she was threatened by me (even though I am married to a guy in our group of friends) randomly took me aside and told me that she "can't go to the gynecologist alone" (without her fiance) because she "feels like she's being raped." This woman does not have history of sexual abuse and KNOWS that I have been raped. And if, for some reason, she does have a history that she has never divulged to me, she still should know how that would effect me...know even more.
Loudlyshy, you are not messed up. Or, at least, I'm right there with you....but I think neither of us is messed up. Anyway, here are some of my random triggers: lime....taste, smell, lime scented cologne especially, luckily its rare green honda accords, but only if I'm driving and see one on the road cinnamon smell (candles, airfreshener) or taste (gum) Tool (the mention of the band name, not the playing of the music because I dont know it that well) a man clearing his throat, usually on the phone before he speaks, but sometimes just in general "adventure" style computer games (mention of playing them for hours by anybody) screen doors slamming the name Chris, but only if its a man introducing himself or someone telling me that's her boyfriend's name the name Sally, which is luckily rare obnoxious laughter, by a man shrimp cocktail And the major one I must deal with as a school teacher: when I tell someone they can't do something and they do it anyway. I can usually deal with it at school, but when a friend or someone I "trust" does it I have a panic attack and feel bad for hours or days. I've just recently identified this as a trigger but it seems so obvious now. At school I expect it of some children, but I must really concentrate on how I deal with it because the little darlings can sense so quickly what "gets to me." Thanks for this post. Gwendolyn