Kitten

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About Kitten

  • Rank
    Sweet and Gentle Manic Fluff
  • Birthday 05/24/1980

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  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Location
    UK
  • Interests
    I am a 24 year old woman with a son aged 6 years and new baby daughter aged 9 months.  My hobbies are writing, painting and DJing.  I work in local government.
  1. I love reading your blog, it makes the day seem brighter.
  2. Julia, what a wonderful post, it made perfect sense. Especially this part, it really struck a cord with me; I don't really know what to say on the subject, except for thank you for starting a great post, and (((((hugs))))) to all those that reply. I do struggle with comparing myself, although I haven't in a long while. I seem to have learnt to beat those negative feelings, and be able to reinforce my own self belief. I believe I have Pandys to thank for that, I have learnt these skills here. Claire XXX
  3. I'm sure I have done this one before, but I couldn't find it. Oh well, here goes..... Name: Claire Age: 23 Height: 6ft ish Hair Color: Dark. I dye it different colours though..plum, red, blueblack. Eye Color: blue-green Nationality: British. I have Cherokee, Spanish and Irish heritage. Siblings/Ages: Nope, only child! Do you have a job: I work for the government in Recruitment What store do you shop at the most?: Charity Shops/thrift stores ~FAVORITES~ Day of the week: Saturday Game: Monopoly Food: Any kind of Seafood Restaurant: Any Italian restaurant Music:I'm a DJ so I love House, Techno, Dance. But at home I like to listen to lots of stuff; Soul, Rock, Indie, Hiphop! Animals: My puppy Fraser. He's a fox terrier. Ice Cream: Lemon Sorbet Drink: Lemonade Thing to do: Horseriding, walk & look at nature, paddle in the sea, watch the stars. Cheesy I know. Sesame Street character: Big Bird!! Favorite Fruit: Grapes How many kids do you want: Got a son already who is 4, and a stepson age 9. I would really love a daughter. 1.LIVING ARRANGEMENT? With my boyfriend and son in a 3 bed house. 2.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Taltos by Anne Rice. Read it 3 times already, but I just love her books! 3.WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Bagpuss 5.FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Probably a music magazine 6.FAVORITE SMELLS? Cut grass, The air after a storm, horses 7.LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS? Banana, eurgghhh 8.FAVORITE SOUND? Bjork singing, she has the most spine tingling voice ever, rain falling and thunder rumbling in the distance 9.WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Losing someone you love 10.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Why can't people leave me alone and let me stay in bed..lol 11.FAVORITE COLOR? Blue 12.HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Three 13.FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? Erin, Paighton or Madison for a girl, Cameron, Rowan or Harrison for a boy. 14.WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Family and Friends 16.CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? CHOCOLATE. 17.DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Don't Drive 18.DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Yeah, my boyfriend!! 19.STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? Probably one of my favourite things in the world, definitly cool 21.IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE? Not sure, probably Salvador Dali! 22.FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Baileys 23.WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Gemini 24.DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Only under duress 25.IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Artist 26.IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR? Bright red 27.EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes, Still am 28.IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Half Full 29.FAVORITE MOVIES? American Beauty, Girl Interrupted and Dancer in the Dark 30.DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? I try, I'm not a bad typist...I'm just not a very good one either. 31.WHAT'S UNDER YOU BED? Dog fur 32.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 4 33.FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? ShowJumping 34. FAVORITE MUSICAL ARTISTS? Bjork, Red Hot Chilli Peppers(Going to see them in a week!! )Blur, Stevie Wonder..too many to mention 35.FAVORITE TV SHOWS? : Big Brother!! 36.FAVORITE CITY? London 37.NAME OF FIRST PET? My first family pet was Tuppy the tortoise, but MY first animal was Roze, my horse. 38.FAVORITE SONG? Isobel - Bjork 39. FAVORITE ACTOR : At the moment it's Orlando Bloom, he is so hot!!
  4. ((((((((Hugs ))))))) for everyone. This is a great thread, difficult, but good. I've been thinking about this for a while now, and my worst betrayals are not by my abuser and rapist. They didn't love me, and weren't supposed to care about me. Really it has been the people closest to me that have hurt me the most. My mum is probably the worst, and most of my mental health problems boil down to her never wanting or loving me. I believe that when I was born my mum had post natal depression that was never treated. She despised me the day I was born, and that has never changed. She blames me for all of her mistakes, and is jealous of everything that I have done with my life that she couldn't. I have acheived a lot in my life, but she has never once been proud. Also, she can't bear to touch me. As a child I was never hugged or kissed. Even now, if I brush past her she will flinch. This hurts more than anything else that has ever happened to me. Michael is the father of my 4 year old son. We were good friends for about 2 years before we got it together. I knew it wasn't going anywhere, but my mum had just kicked me out at age 17, and I had moved away from my friends, so the company was good. I fell pregnant, and booked an abortion. Within two days of booking it he was gone. He didn't even say "it's over", he just went. Stopped answering my calls, even ignored my letters. I lost my job and was totally alone. I ended up cancelling the abortion, but making that choice pushed me the closest to suicide I have ever been. I know I will never get that low again. I found out later that he had left me for a 15 year old girl, they are still together, so she is my sons stepmum. To be honest I don't really know how I got over it. My dad left when I was 2, but we have always had such a great relationship. We are very alike, another reason why my mum hates me so much, and I know he is proud of me. The day I turned 18 he gave me £400, and basically said "thats it, I'm off the hook, my responsibility to you is over". I felt like I'd been paid off. When he found out I was pregnant he refused to speak to me for a year. One day I just turned up on his doorstep and forced my way in. It has taken me a long time to start rebuilding that trust, and I really miss my old dad.
  5. I have a HUGE music collection, I'm obesessed with it. Being a DJ is an expensive hobby! My most embarrassing albums..um, let me see; Ace of Base Vangelis I'm obsessed with Bjork(I own every song she's ever made). And some that I never liked, My mum bought them for me one christmas; East 17 Chaka Demus & Pliers Bitty McClean
  6. I can't believe I've never seen this post before!! I read everything!! It truly is a beautiful painting, but your words mean so much more Louise. I love the way they are all reaching out to her, giving her the things she needs. Claire XXX
  7. (((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) This has turned into a great thread Shelly!! I have some new ones; I realised that my counselling wasn't working, and as of last Tuesday I now have a new Cognitive Therapist, and she rocks! I went back to the place where I was abused in the summer, on the anniversary, and it felt good to be there ten years later. It wasn't until recently that I realised how strong I was to go there. I love myself more, and realise that people don't hate me. I can make friends(even if they're not face to face), and learn to trust people again. Keep up the good work Shelly, keep bullying the quiet ones who won't post! Love you all Kit Kat
  8. I have found this place and broken my silence. And met some great friends of course. I have found the courage to start therapy. I have learnt how to take time out for me. I have started to recover memories about my childhood, good and bad.
  9. I love The Corrs too Caroline, and I actually prefer their version of Everybody Hurts. Its beautiful. Im listening to it now on my PC! This is another song that I love now, A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton. It makes me cry when I listen to it though, it reminds me of how much I miss my Boyf when he's not here; Making my way down town Walking fast Faces pass And I'm home bound Staring blankly ahead Just making my way Making a way Through the crowd And I need you And I miss you And now I wonder If I could fall Into the sky Do you think time Would pass me by Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles If I could just see you... tonight It's always times like these When I think of you And I wonder If you ever think of me Cause everything's so wrong And I don't belong Living in Your precious memory Cause I need you And I miss you And now I wonder If I could fall Into the sky Do you think time Would pass me by,oh Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles If I could just see you... tonight And I, I don't wanna let you know I, I drown in your memory I, I don't wanna let this go I, I've fallen... Making my way down town Walking fast Faces pass And I'm home bound Staring blankly ahead Making my way Making a way Through the crowd And I still need you And I still miss you And now I wonder If I could fall into the sky Do you think time, would pass us by Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles If I could just see you... If I could fall into the sky Do you think time would pass me by Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles If I could just see you... If I could just hold you... tonight And another by Vanessa Carlton, Paradise. I think these lyrics are very apt for the situation that most of us here are in; once upon a year gone by she saw herself give in every time she closed her eyes she saw what could have been well nothing hurts and nothing bleeds when covers tucked in tight funny when the bottom drops how she forgets to fight... to fight and it's one more day in paradise one more day in paradise as darkness quickly steals the light that shined within her eyes she slowly swallows all her fear and soothes her mind with lies well all she wants and all she needs are reasons to survive a day in which the sun will take her artificial light... her light and it's one more day in paradise one more day in paradise it's one more day in paradise one last chance to feel alright... alright don't pretend to hold it in just let it out don't pretend to hold it in just push it out don't you try to hold it in just let it out and don't you try to hold it in you hold it in [chorus] once upon a year gone by she saw herself give in every time she closed her eyes she saw what could have been
  10. Hello.......my name is Claire Bear, can I come and catch butterflies with you? I like to spend most of my time outdoors catching bugs and creatures, I just love nature. I know the names of all the plants and animals, and I know which plants and berries we are safe to eat because my Grandma taught me. Oh look, there's a great tree to climb over there. It has lots of low branches so we can all climb up easily. Whos coming......
  11. ((((Hugs for everyone)))) This may *T* I know my rape was premeditated. I met the guy at the staff canteen I was working in between college and school, he was a member of staff. He invited me and a friend to go out with him and his friends. He called me the day before. I won't go into detail here, that is for the Share your story forum. But the next day, after he drugged and r*ped me and dropped me home. I tried to call him, and the number he had given me was a payphone. He had covered all his tracks. I didn't even know where he lived or his surname. If giving me the wrong number so I couldn't find him isn't planning it in advance, then I don't know what is! claire XXX
  12. These first two are what i like to sit and listen to on my own, and sometimes cry. They are the songs that make me wallow in my own self pity, which we all need to do sometimes. UNINVITED-ALANIS MORRISETTE Like anyone would be I am flattered by your fascination with me Like any hotblooded woman I have simply wanted an object to crave But you you're not allowed You're uninvited An unfortunate slight Must be strangely exciting To watch the stoic squirm Must be somewhat heartening To watch shepherd meet shepherd But you you're not allowed You're uninvited An unfortunate slight Like any uncharted territory I must seem greatly intriguing You speak of my love like You have experienced love like mine before But this is not allowed You're uninvited An unfortunate slight I don't think you unworty I need a moment to deliberate MARY JANE - ALANIS MORRISETTE What's the matter Mary Jane, you had a hard day As you place the don't disturb sign on the door You lost your place in line again, what a pity You never seem to want to dance anymore It's a long way down On this roller coaster The last chance streetcar Went off the track And you're on it I hear you're counting sheep again Mary Jane What's the point of tryin' to dream anymore I hear you're losing weight again Mary Jane Do you ever wonder who you're losing it for Well it's full speed baby In the wrong direction There's a few more bruises If that's the way You insist on heading Please be honest Mary Jane Are you happy Please don't censor your tears You're the sweet crusader And you're on your way You're the last great innocent And that's why I love you So take this moment Mary Jane and be selfish Worry not about the cars that go by All that matters Mary Jane is your freedom Keep warm my dear, keep dry Tell me Tell me What's the matter Mary Jane... This song reminds me of Love, and how lucky I am to have found it at last. Its by an Irish band so I don't know if all of you guys will have heard of them. WITH OR WITHOUT YOU - U2 See the stone set in your eyes See the thorn twist in your side I wait for you Sleight of hand and twist of fate On a bed of nails she makes me wait And I wait without you With or without you With or without you Through the storm we reach the shore You give it all but I want more And I'm waiting for you With or without you With or without you I can't live With or without you And you give yourself away And you give yourself away And you give And you give And you give yourself away My hands are tied My body bruised, she's got me with Nothing to win and Nothing left to lose And you give yourself away And you give yourself away And you give And you give And you give yourself away With or without you With or without you I can't live With or without you With or without you With or without you I can't live With or without you With or without you. This song always reminds me to be strong, and tells me that I have got something worth fighting for. EVERYBODY HURTS - R.E.M When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes. Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along. When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on) if you feel like letting go, (hold on) when you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on. Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand. If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long, when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on. Well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes. And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade) (Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)